Shooting Words

Shooting words like shooting stars

Embedding me with calloused scars

Torching ends like rocket ships

Cutting our threads to nonexistence,

White lies growled from parting lips

Teeth clenched prepared to nip

Barred thoughts equipped to hammer

&

Misery caused my limbs to stammer.

Reviews

[Tai Ryens]

Hmm . . . The first stanza was formed well; along with an excellent concept and clever phrasing of words. However, you (in my opinion, of course) lost your grasp on the concept as the second stanza approached. I am in no way stating that this poem is not fantastic, it really is good, but I feel you lost the writing encouragement as the second formed. Nonetheless, fantastic.

[demureminds]

Haha no worries you are somewhat right on that! I probably should have used a transition stanza from the first to the second so it didn't seem like I jumped from one idea to another, but nothing was fitting in how I wanted so I left it that way haha. But I definitely see your point, it is a bit choppy and needs some editing. Thanks for your input!

[Tai Ryens]

My pleasure, you have a fine concept indeed but you really should tweak the second part.