Just Enough

As I flip through these pages of this old journal,

I see entries 

contemplating purpose in all it’s forms

through the eyes of a sixteen year old girl.

So I let the patients,

shocked to their core,

rip me apart,

limb by limb,

leaving me aching for all my pieces 

again.

Leaving me crying silently

in the cold corridor, 

with absolutely no one to look to.

And my mind demented,

two personalities verged upon one.

My face cemented

in,

imprinting

what they wanted to see.

My life was the world,

rotating on the same axis,

circling the sun on the same path,

always in line after Venus, 

and before Mars;

an ordered peculiarity 

in a disordered universe.

And I have mastered the fake smile, the false confidence, the lack of complaints

because no one ever asked me if I was

okay.

And I have been that friend

that consoled another

who sliced her skin

to show me.

But I never did.

And I was the friend that asked her if she was okay; I thought that was enough,

and she called me lucky.

I was not lucky, I didn’t think,

And she, she did not know me.

I came to a home that spent most of its life

empty.

I came to a home drenched in my own salty fluids,

only to be wiped away the next morning by my own solemn hands.

I came to a home 

where the adults didn’t always act like adults.

I came to a home where the girl who shared my room,

just four years older than I,

saw right through me

and never did a thing about it.

This, I still don’t know why.

But now, 

as I’ve grown a few years older, 

just enough,

I see the secret sorrow in all their faces,

plastered with regret,

an ache to go back

to change.

And sometimes it’s 

enough

that they would’ve done that.

Reviews

[anne p. murray- LadeeAn..]

I really love your writing. You get right down to the deepest 'core' of your feeling and so adaptly put them on paper

[demureminds]

Thank you (:

[New Theory]

This is good stuff.

[demureminds]

Thank you!

[Winter]

I feel where your coming from as if i was there sharing your pain. Love this, thankyou

[demureminds]

Thank you.

[Admiral Kirk]

This portrays your pain, presumably the pain of growing up misunderstood, very well. You have an excellent ability to turn yourself inside out and spill your innards onto the page, so to speak. I like the word usage, and the bit at the beginning to tell readers that you are really reminiscing this conflicting childhood of yours. Great job for living through it and not cutting yourself, too! Excellent poem, by the way.

[demureminds]

Thank you, that's what I was going for! (:

[The Watcher]

This is really intense and emotional, and I can comprehend the pain behind your words. It's a sad, but great poem. Kudos to you

[demureminds]

Thank you