Jealousy

more feelings

The negative thoughts
I am getting just from thinking
A scenario in my head
Making me feel insecure

Feelings not describable
Trying to block out how i feel
Believing how i would feel such a thing
The anxiety of the anticipated lost of you

Unable to realize that you were such an important
Such an importance gone to someone else
Values weigh such importance
Sudden flow of an emotion never felt before

Being told of a chasing
Led me to such an emotion
Didn't want such a thing to happen
Something I wanted yet you will achieve it

Knowing you will go for it
The target that lies in front of you
You will go after it with confidence
Something i will not be able to stop

Only to wish i will be able to gain such a thing
However, it doesn't change the fact it is inevitable

Reviews

[Hailey]

i like this, i think ur writing has definitely improved. i like how u show the process of jealousy here, good job

[...]

... i think this is a brilliant dissection of jealousy and how it comes about and how inevitable it is ... it's such a common human emotion and yet it causes such deep agony and anguish ... a very well-written verse which justifies the title with impeccable detailing and sensitivity ...

[J. Alexis Balaguer]

Jealousy is one inspirational writing idea. Your poem is good.

Some comments:
The anxiety of the anticipated lost (perhaps you mean 'loss') of you
Unable to realize that you were such an important (important what? do not end a line with a hanging adjective)
Also, the third stanza posed too many repetitive 'importance's. Use the thesaurus to look for synonyms.


This poem is good. Keep writing.
Alex

[S.W.]

Well writeen and i really understand where you were coming from in your explantion. Good write.

[Annette Jay Sweeney]

I like the lack of punctuation here. It makes where it is at stand out more. I also like that you don't always capitalize the i's. You also have a good sense of where to break the lines. It may be worth looking into not capitalizing the beginning of each line. Sometimes that can be distracting. All around I like the piece. If you want to spice it up, show instead of telling. Speak through imagery, metaphor, symbolism, etc. :)

[Huggy Bear]

It is a very brilliant piece you have here