Ricochets at the Water Park and what NOT to teach a kid

There's nothing like alcohol to make a stupid idea seem brilliant.

A friend of my girl has a ten year old son with no father. 

He wanted to go to Adventure Island water park in Tampa. 

Somehow I got volunteered to take the little wiener. 

Two women were in on this so no way was I getting out of it. 

Besides, we're talking about a water park full of water slides

and wall to wall dripping wet girls in bikinis running around giggling. 

It's not going to take much convincing to get me interested in that. 

So I took little wiener to the water park. 

Little wiener was fascinated by my service in the corps. 

So he asked me about thirty thousand questions on the drive up. 

Some were serious, other were silly.

Like how many people had I'd killed 

and what color socks did Saddam Hussein wear. 

He seemed disappointed when I told him there are some things you DO NOT 

ask veterans and that I'd never met Saddam Hussein.

But he kept on asking questions. 

I humored him as best I could but he was starting to drive me crazy.

I thought. "This might not have been such a swell idea." 

Finally we got to Adventure Island and we actually had a great time. 

There were plenty of dripping wet girls in bikinis 

running around giggling so I was mightily entertained 

and both little wiener and I had a ball on all the water slides. 

Little wiener didn't pay much attention to the giggling bikini girls. 

I thought "puberty hasn't kicked in yet." Which was great.

He should have all the innocent fun he can in his childhood years

because puberty is going to f**k all that up eight ways from Sunday. 

It sure as s**t happened to me that way. 

Little wiener slept for most of the drive home. 

I was relieved for the hour of silence this provided. 

Then when we got home and we all gathered for dinner 

and us grownups had some wine I had a major lapse of judgment.

While the girls were in the house doing whatever it is girls do in the house 

I took little wiener outside and taught him how to make a flamethrower 

with an aerosol can and a Bic lighter.  

I thought he should experience the sheer joy of flames spitting from 

a can of raid and the cool a*s sound the aerosol and oxygen makes when 

it hits that lighter before puberty fucked his life up and took some of the boyhood wonder out of doing really stupid s**t.

This was basic boy stuff 101 when I was growing up.

He thought it was the coolest thing that ever happened in his life.

A United States Marine had taught him how to make a flame thrower.

In boydom  it doesn't get much cooler than that.

His mother however had a very different take on the situation. 

When she found out I was the one who taught him that trick, oh boy.

She went screaming to my girl and my girl came screaming to me.

Man was I ever in the hot seat for that one. 

I know I shouldn't have taught him how to make a flamethrower.

But still, boys love destructive, powerful things.

And some women don't get that. 

Reviews

[Duncan Brown]

Zero zeto zeto zeto zeto zeto.....................

[TL Boehm]

Oh Good LORD you DIDN'T! yeah, I laughed. Boys do destructive powerful things - mine once taped a classmate to a his bed because the guy was being an idiot on a trip, and they set off a smoke alarm using a lighter and Axe cologne. Yup.

[Cryingkate]

LMAO ................ You know what? Yeah I'd be screaming my Bloody head off at you If I was the Mrs too for doing such an ignorant, No brain stunt.. And the other half would be praising you for all you did and for giving that boy a once in a lifetime Boy thing to remember. I'd be proud that you didn't ask my permission and did what I would of never done out of fear and fear minded supposed common sense :-)
But praising you secretly cause I'd still be fearful of what would come next? :-)

You dd the right thing.. You did right.
It takes a man to train up a boy to be a man. Us woman have our own roles.
You could of taught him something about the bikinis and lost hos boyhood , Now that would of been much worse :-)
Your awesome Baby..... Awesome !

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you Kate

[Bright Ocean Star]

Baby Ricochet, This story made me laugh. A brilliant peek into the male mind, and your serious lapse in judgement. It is my experience that men have a different barometer of what is appropriate for boys. Your experience as a Marine probably elevates that barometer several hundred degrees above that of the boy's mother. But I guarantee you, if that boy's father had been around, he'd probably be out there with you holding the can of Raid himself. Thank you for sharing this story. I miss my son, who just became a Marine a couple of months ago. You remind me of him. Great writing. Thanks again.

[Baby Ricochet]

The best decision I ever made was joining the corps and it will always be a part of me. Your son is among the finest in the Nation. Hoorah!!

[Bright Ocean Star]

Thank you. He's loving his new life and his new brothers. I could not be prouder of him. :). Thank you for serving our country.

[dw817]

My experience - flamethrowers do not a good education make ...
As for Sodamn Insane, he might not've worn socks at all.
Regarding puberty, while I can say half of it has reached me, I think I'm still waiting for the other half.
Glad you had a good time, Rico. :)

[Baby Ricochet]

Don't worry, it'll get there. Thanks little bro

[Chris]

...and some women do ...get that.

[Baby Ricochet]

and that they do

[NoelHC]

I can imagine how cool Little Wiener felt hanging out with a real Marine, my cousin was about 15 years older than me and a fighter pilot, when he came home, all my younger cousins and me would try hang around with him.
The flamethrower trick brought back a lot of fond memories as well. I got busted for that as I sprayed mine through a window screen and left a significant scorch mark.
Cool story Ricochet.

[Baby Ricochet]

Fighter pilot's register pretty high on the cool scale. Thanks for stopping by Noel.

[NoelHC]

I believe this cartoon sums up the levels of "coolness" quite well.
http://joyreactor.com/post/459927
My son is an artillery officer, when he was deployed to Afghanistan he got put into air force quarters on the way in country. He figured he screwed up joining the army!

[Baby Ricochet]

In the corps we thought the air force were nothing but a bunch of p*****s and primadonnas. We thought no one was as bad a*s as we were but everyone in the armed forces thinks that way. When you're young and part of something that big it's inevitable I suppose. Thanks to your son for his service in the US Army.

[Dante Carlisle]

Absolutely hilarious, who hasn't been in this kind of situation? Half of the guy stuff we learn is how to deal with being in trouble. The parents of a friend of mine accused me of trying to light their house on fire with this same trick. They didn't allow me back. But, like you said, this is guy stuff 101.
Thanks for the story.

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you Dante

[AprilRN1210]

Reminds me of when I was little and my older cousins would try and "teach" my little brother all the cool "men" stuff.. I would hide listening and try to reenact the activity. got me into a LOT of trouble and dangerous situations.. they forgot to "teach" about the safety measures needed to carry out some of those tasks... I love seeing this side of your writing.. It is simple, yet still so entertaining.. makes you giggle, makes you smile, and makes you shake your head at the screen.. well done!..

[Baby Ricochet]

What's coolest about them is they're dangerous, but I'm sure you knew that. Thanks April.

[Rob Santana]

Send'em my way I'll let'em play with my AR-15....we'll have a blast.

[Baby Ricochet]

LOL! Thanks for stopping by