Goddamn Ants

The ants are a comin!!!

I had a bag of pork rinds

I threw them in the air

Ants came out of ceiling tiles

and scattered everywhere

Ants don't read no stinking Torah 

They'll take what's not nailed down 

They'll steal a pig from Tyson farms 

and drag it underground 

They'll make up bacon ant burgers 

and give them to the queen 

She's cranking all those larva out

She's always bitchy mean 

The ants dragged off my credit card 

and ordered crap on line 

Those s***s stole my identity 

Well ain't that f*****g fine 

Now my statement's full of charges 

From maple syrup stores

and two thousand pounds of sugar 

that showed up at my door 

So I got a can of ant spray 

and wasted their whole troop

I killed them by the millions

and then they just regrouped 

They hauled off all my furniture 

They tried to steal my truck 

Ants are nesting in my neurons 

My brain they will induct 

Their ant farm ideology 

will seep into my mind 

I'll become an ant extremist

and rob the neighbors blind

They'll spread across America

their evil ant farm law

Insidious as communists 

They'll ban all things bourgeois

They'll enslave all of America 

and turn us into clones

So I called upon our president

He's sending in the drones 

Author's Note

Ants. uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Reviews

[Lydia Shutter]

This is just delightful! Once a home is invaded by ants, it's nearly impossible to get rid of them. It's all the damn Queen's fault! Love how you injected humor into this. The rhyming is flawless and the words flowed. I could feel your frustration even as I giggled! Great one. Lydi**

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you Lydi

[AprilRN1210]

hard working busy little buggers aren't they... playful, funny, and witty as always.. imagery and analogies had me giggling right along to the marching beat of their plight... had the little commercial "RAID!" playing in my head towards the end... regroup they will, just never imagined them to be the ones to hijack those neurons... not really their style.. another entertaining amusing piece sir:)

[Baby Ricochet]

Thanks April

[TL Boehm]

I came, I read, I laughed out loud. Ants are mofos. Tiny stingy marauding mofos. And they are on a quest to takeover.

[Baby Ricochet]

Thanks Tl..........

[Renée]

lol ! Creative way of dealing with your ant problem !! Enjoyed !

[Baby Ricochet]

Thanks Renee

[Briana O'Connor]

Lol...I take it you don't like ants? This is hillarious with a tone of seriousness as well. There were parts in the poem that had a bit of implication that led me to believe this might be a metephor of sorts. This was very entertaining and well written as always.

[Baby Ricochet]

Thanks Briana

[Tai Ryens]

Drones for ants? Can't blame you, they do get THAT annoying at times! But what do I know, I never leave my house. Hilarious write, as always!

[Tree]

LIke the way your mind works. You connect dots, keep it funny, while at the same time driving home an important point. Ants / and some organizations & people are infiltrators –––– of the most efficient kind.

Cool piece, BR

[Ama May Cooper]

Heheh increadbly houmourous, this is on of my favorite pieces of yours actually, i found it increadbly refreshing to read and even though im a lover of all animals i can completely understsand your distress. I love the exagerattion and the way it flows is perfect, i found myself almost singing it as i read it . thank you for such a wonderful piece of work once again my good sir

[Matching Socks]

Maybe you need to put up some more ant motels. :)
Wait, do they have those in the US?
They must.

[Baby Ricochet]

We have them. I need an ant Nation

[Matching Socks]

You need an ant-i-inflammatory for this ant-ing-itis.
Ok, my jokes suck.. I know.