Goddamn Ants

The ants are a comin!!!

I had a bag of pork rinds

I threw them in the air

Ants came out of ceiling tiles

and scattered everywhere

Ants don't read no stinking Torah 

They'll take what's not nailed down 

They'll steal a pig from Tyson farms 

and drag it underground 

They'll make up bacon ant burgers 

and give them to the queen 

She's cranking all those larva out

She's always bitchy mean 

The ants dragged off my credit card 

and ordered crap on line 

Those s***s stole my identity 

Well ain't that f*****g fine 

Now my statement's full of charges 

From maple syrup stores

and two thousand pounds of sugar 

that showed up at my door 

So I got a can of ant spray 

and wasted their whole troop

I killed them by the millions

and then they just regrouped 

They hauled off all my furniture 

They tried to steal my truck 

Ants are nesting in my neurons 

My brain they will induct 

Their ant farm ideology 

will seep into my mind 

I'll become an ant extremist

and rob the neighbors blind

They'll spread across America

their evil ant farm law

Insidious as communists 

They'll ban all things bourgeois

They'll enslave all of America 

and turn us into clones

So I called upon our president

He's sending in the drones 

Author's Note

Ants. uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Reviews

[barleygirl]

This is so hilarious, I actually hooted outloud! This is divinely irreverent & rowdy. Don't we all have an ant story or ten? But you've taken this to the nth degree, which makes it so delightful . . . stealing credit card, ordering maple syrup & sugar, & so much more . . . I am in awe of your rampant imagination! Oh how funny exaggeration can be, when perfectly stated with a powerful wit! This should be a classic.

[MAD ENGLISHMAN]

Yeah kill kill kill. Nasty little buggers. Quite a metaphor I think.

[KeeD]

Drones vs ants, that sounds like a movie that'd be fun to watch.. haha. Hey but I see them ants never giving up much like soldiers.. So respect to them, not so much the queen though, that b***h better get her tubes tied.

[Baby Ricochet]

That's what I'm saying. Thanks Keegan

[Cody Williams]

They sure are nasty little buggers. Thanks for sharing this BR. I enjoyed it!

-CW

[Baby Ricochet]

thanks cody

[Rene Velez]

Good imagery, never had a problem with the buggers, but mosquitoes or flies are another story, I have a poem called 'mosquito" check it out if you have time Ric. PS...I understand. the metaphor.

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you Rene

[Pryde Foltz]

They'll spread across America
their evil ant farm law
Insidious as communists
They'll ban all things bourgeois

Brilliant piece of satirical allegory. When are we going to realize those ants exist in the pants … pant pockets that is … of those who tell to be afraid.

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you Pryde

[Inda]

As always, your stuff is entertaining and thought provoking, made me smile and i have to say this is one of those that will stick out in my mind,it's not just funny, it has an issue attached and that's what i liked the most.

[Baby Ricochet]

Thanks Inda

[zainul]

I appreciate the ants for instigating you to write such a masterpiece.
Awesome work.
I never appreciate the excesses of the of ant community to dominate America or any nation of the world.

[Baby Ricochet]

That's for sure. Thanks for stopping by

[Terpsichore]

Highly organised little sods. No doubt they'll still be around when we're just a memory.

Fun read. T

[Baby Ricochet]

Thanks for stopping by

[B.J]

I loved it, that was such fun to read.Great work

[Baby Ricochet]

Thanks for stopping by

[B.J]

you're welcome