I was born in 1980. The same year Ronald Reagan descended from heaven on his golden chariot of conservative ideology to take the throne of lord and master of the United States of America. Because of this I used to think of myself as a kind of Reagan Immaculate conception. Born to spread the good news of his coming and if we would just invoke his name all the ills that tormented us would disappear into the small government, tax cut, Reaganomics utopia he promised his people.
My earliest memories of President Reagan wasn't the man himself so much as it was my parents unwavering love for him. Whenever he appeared on TV an awed hush would fall over our household as my parents gazed into the TV, transfixed by Reagan's "aw shucks" grin, his gleaming white teeth and his glowing complexion. (I thought the glow was his halo) He would speak and my parents would smile as if every word he said was some sort of bountiful blessing. There was a picture of Reagan on our mantle piece right next to a statue of the bleeding heart of Jesus so I always knew who Reagan was. He was our God. As long as Reagan was in the white house (to me the white house was mount Olympus) the electricity would always work, the water would always come on and the stars wouldn't fall from the sky. Reagan was all powerful, all knowing and infinitely loving to everyone all over the whole wide world.
When Reagan left office in 1988 I was 8 years old. A little wiser and a bit more cynical than my care free days of running around in diapers dragging a stuff money and pointing at people and calling them "Reagan." I was in the third grade now. Practically a grown up. I knew our president wasn't a God, just God like. I knew he wasn't watching over everyone, just Americans and I knew I wasn't his immaculate conception. I came from my mother and father because of something the big kids called "Sex" (The sordid details of which I was still vague on) I didn't know who this George Bush was but I didn't love him like I did Reagan. When i found out Reagan wasn't going to be our President any more I ran to my room, threw myself on my bed and cried as if my puppy had just died. My mother tried to console me by telling me George Bush was the same as Reagan and I wanted to believe her but in my heart I knew she was lying. President Reagan was gone now and I had to face the cold, cruel world without him. I soon became addicted to Mountain Dew with a six pack a day habit.
In 1990 a bad man named Saddam Hussein annexed some place called Kuwait. Every time they showed Saddam on TV he was scowling. (That's how I knew he was bad) President Bush was on TV saying Saddam was going to have to leave Kuwait or else. so when Saddam didn't leave Bush sent all American Super GI Norman Schwarzkopf to kick Saddam's a*s. Stormin Norman brought the whole US war Machine with him and CNN made a reality show out of it called "Desert Storm." It was the best TV show ever! I couldn't wait for it to come on and seeing how it was on all the time I sat in front of the TV for hours on end mesmerized by Stormin Norman's press briefings. His film footage of guided missiles and smart bombs hitting targets like Hangers, Military bases, bridges and radar installations deep behind enemy lines. There were tanks roaring across the desert, bombers and helicopters flying all over the place, artillery pieces firing huge rounds into the desert sky and there were Marines. As soon as I saw Marines and heard the reporter talking about them like they were the baddest bad asses on the planet that's what I wanted to be. So at the ripe old age of ten I made my first career choice. I was going to be a Marine.
When Desert Storm was over it seemed like everyone in America was in love with President Bush and Stormin Norman. I thought Bush would be the president forever and no other world leaders would dare step out of line because Stormin Norman would kick the s**t out of them like he did Saddam. President's Bush post war approval rating of 90% didn't survive to the 1992 election when a bad economy and a fast talking governor from Arkansas with lousy taste in women cost him his job. My mother said Bill Clinton was a bad man because he was an "adulterer" I was 12 years old and knew what "adulterer" meant but I didn't care because I had become obsessed with b***s. (I hadn't yet graduated to vagina) Reagan was long gone, Bush was out of office, the democrats were in the white house and all I wanted to do was touch a girl's b***s. Life was simple then.
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