Rain Tanka

Rain comes from on high
out of a broken spine sky
Black shrouded masses
As the world turned to ashes
When I made an angel cry

Reviews

[SyberRose]

Nicely done Baby...Ill have to try a tanka sometime...Enjoyed:)

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you Rose

[Cassie]

niiceeeeeeeee.....another different style of yours. Good one

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you Cassie t

[Cody Williams]

Shot, sweet, and to the point! I like it! Thanks for sharing!

-CW

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you CW.

[Cody Williams]

No problem!

[Thornbirds]

Great Tanka, I would argue the fourth line as a eight syllable because of the emphasis on the "d" in "turned" I would change that d to an "s" and make it "turns" to take off that extra "iffy" count, that being said, it's flawless including the heart rendering image of courtship stages just as in traditonal Japanese literature.

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you thornbirds

[Jack...]

Kind of reminds me of GNR's Sweet Child O' Mine.

She's got eyes of the bluest skies
And if they thought of rain
I hate to look into those eyes
And see an ounce of pain


Very cool my friend

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you jack

[Keith]

Wow, starts out like a weather forecast, but really about a stormy relationship. Few words tell so much.

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you Keith

[Sam Sin Sepultura]

This is short, yet very beautiful. I love every line of this :)

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you Sam

[icelandicblue]

Darkly written, filled with the angst of our deeds. There are days like this that seem never ending. Your imagery is very effective in conveying the mood of the piece.

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you Blue

[Corset]

you too huh? Nothing sucks worse than making honest angels shed real tears, the world turns black just as you say, have you ever tried to breathe in a heavy downpour? I have, it isn't easy my friend, it kind of like standing under a strong showerhead and trying to breathe through your mouth for a year or more, and then you realize good intentions don't always justify the means, but you do the time either way.

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you corset

[Phantom Heart]

Making angels cry! :) Short and sweet! I always enjoy reading what comes from your brain.

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you Morgan