I Wanna Be Top Writer

Inspired by the Writers cafe's secret society s**t storm. A not to bad of an idea that quickly went awry

Straight to the top of the poetry chart
That's a fair deal to me
I don't want to work or do anything
Just hand it all to me

I can't be bothered to send RR's
I'm too cool to review
I'm too brilliant to learn to write
Cause I'm better than you

I write free verse with my eyes closed
hammered on whiskey sours
Hemingway was drunk off his a*s
That's how I spend my hours

So when I wrote my masterpiece
It didn't make the top
It's all that other writer's fault
The one who has me blocked

When all I said was he sucked a*s
and couldn't write a list
Some constructive criticism
So now the a*****e's pissed

Can't you see my brilliant genius
I shouldn't have to work
I don't want to write my way up
Cause I'm a lazy jerk

I don't wanna play the WC game
The social network shtick
I don't want to write reviews for
A bunch of rubes and hicks

So gimmi gimmi gimmi that top spot
I want it right away
Screw you chumps who worked for it
Who cares about fair play

Reviews

[Dean Kuch®]

Ah-h-h-h, my dear BR. Who has decided to piss in your Rice Crispies, my friend? Whoever it was, you ought to bow, then extend a warm and hearty—"Hey, thank you!"—'cause this poem here, it's a keeper! They have certainly inspired you to write a scathing, wicked satirical poem, which makes many valid points, I might add. I will say one rather derogatory thing about WC...It certainly ain't the place for writers of stories to go, that's fer damn sure! Just look at the live feed, for example. Poem, poem, poem, poem, poem comment on poem, poem...ad infinitum. I prefer to write stories. That's why I'm rarely ever here anymore. No one wants to take the time, it seems, to read a story. I'm no poet, that's a given. But, I do know what I like, and this little gem is going in my personal library.

As I said earlier, it's a keeper!

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you Dean. Sadly that is true about stories and the WC. Poets are ADD cases.

[Emily B]

invite me to a story and i will read it

[Nusquam Esse]

How unfortunate that his profile was closed. I was actually curious what his stories would be about.

[Philip Muls]

Which site is good for stories ? Any tips ? Regards Philip

[h d e rushin]

your amazing......

[Baby Ricochet]

Thanks

[TL Boehm]

Bravo. What torques my shorts is this "Illuminati" post is now at the top writing spot. Seriously. We need to stop commenting on it as we're driving up the stats on the damn thing.
Anway. I no longer send RR's because I never know who still accepts them. But I do RECIEVE RR's and I review pretty much everything I'm sent. I also try to catch anyone new who reviews me and review them. When I joined up in 2007 I was told - if you want reviews - you have to give reviews. So I still do that. I haven't been a top writer I don't think since early 2007 and it was for about 5 seconds. And it was for a venomous diatribe - probably about my kids....
This is a great satirical piece - the picture sets it off so well. You excel at this kind of writing. Such a sharp wit- you get right to the core of the idiocy so well. AWESOME write.

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you TL. I send 174 RR's, every time. 56 of them don't accept RR's which leaves 122. Out of those 122 I hear from about 10-15 of them. All other reviews are folks that click on me from the live feed. I accept RR's and read the vast majority of them. That's partly why my reviews are so short, I only got so much time. Anyway, thanks for reading and I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[TL Boehm]

Yup - sometimes a short review is all you have time for. I get that.

[Chris]

I really am chuckling... was this real or satire...only the heart knows for sure.

[Baby Ricochet]

lol! For sure.

[Frieda P]

It's memorex....

[Sirius King]

LOL some egos are gonna roll

good one

[Baby Ricochet]

No doubt. Thanks for stopping by Serenus. It's always a pleasure hearing from you.

[Alice Patinkin]

This made me laugh!
Egos are hard things to master. :)

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you Alice

[Rita L. Sev]

Hahahaha! This will get you there, for sure! You really get to the heart of an issue, and lay it right out there - love it!

[Baby Ricochet]

thank you Rita

[dw817]

It's lonely at the top, Rico. Actually it's kinna lonely where I'm at right now too but that's beside the point. :) The fact is the more important and famous you become in the world, the greater the chance is there will be someone somewhere determined to knock you off your perch of pride.

It's like this neato ride we had at GDRA, a playground I went to when I was 7. It was really old and made of coppery metal and it spun around and it had a series of wedges of metal reaching the top like a 20-sided cone, and at the top there was a little flat seat, a small disc of metal, just enough space for one person to sit.

The object of the game I learned was to spin and spin this crazy thing around and then clamber to the top, pushing, shoving, and stepping all over each others nose and toes, and once you make it to the top then everyone else would slide back down and then they would ALL grab the edge of the base disc at the bottom and spin and spin and SPIN the thing REALLY REALLY fast now - determined to knock the top person off.

And when that top kid fell (usually quite painfully by being flung off into the bushes) the game would start all over again.

We called it, "King Of The Mountain."

I learned a lot from that ride, that game, my bruises, and from my friends. It's not worth it. Tomorrow will come, wait and see - and when it does, your fame should completely catch you by surprise, that's the only way to really appreciate it. Birthday gifts are that much better when you aren't expecting them.

[Baby Ricochet]

that's for sure

[Emily B]

are we friends? cause i really like your attitude

[Baby Ricochet]

dw817's a great guy. He's my boy.

[dw817]

R e a l l y ... *blink blink* Well Samuel D. is my Online uncle and (hopefully) keeps me outta trouble, that much I do know. :)

[Emily B]

we're all kin :)

[Emily B]

at least that's what they say about where i come from

[dw817]

I dunno, there's some people in Xanga I really REALLY like, and there's others who always seem to be trying to hurt people and junk with their mean words, I can't be friends with them.

I thought I could - I tried to get along - but I just can't, and I feel better for finally realizing this. We may be kin but some people just see me as kindling. :)

[Emily B]

lol . . . you sound like a person well on your way to ascension, surround yourself with people who make you feel good, get rid of the ones who don't

[dw817]

Hope I have. *Gentle Smile*

[Emily B]

yup, you get it

[David Scott]

I enjoyed the satire here. I think it needs to be said as well.
I pay no attention to labels and honors. Usually honorariums are false or paid for or just the result of the digestion of a system... I think we call it crap?
Read who you enjoy.
Write what you enjoy.
Learn what leads to happiness and do it...
My best advice to a jack-a*s would be to stop reaching for arbitrary carrots and you can eat the green grass at your feet.
You show a skill for whit and word here. Well done.

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you David

[Angel]

Learn what leads to happiness and do it...what fantastic advice!! I'm thinking...how pathetic is it to want to be "top writer" on a site like this so badly that you'd be willing to manipulate the system for it?

[Samuel Dickens]

I'll bet this would describe some people here. I've made it a few times, writer of STORIES that I am, but you know what? I still had to pay full price for a cup of coffee.

[Baby Ricochet]

I think story writers pay more. Writing a good story takes a lot of time and hard work and they don't get as much attention as poetry does because poets are a bunch of ADD cases. I'm as guilty as the next poet for that.

[Samuel Dickens]

Well, okay. I'll not argue with you.

[Baby Ricochet]

Sam Relic said you were the best story teller on this site and I have to agree with him.

[Samuel Dickens]

I appreciate that very, very much. Can't say that it's true, but I appreciate hearing it anyhow.

[Emily B]

there is in this country something that the Department of Commerce sponsored in the 80s to inspire better performance in American business. It was named the Malcolm Baldrige Award, it is prestigious, only the world class busines can ever hope to win one after years and years of work

the only problem is, the award is not the carrot at the end of the stick, if you're looking for a prize then you're missing the point

the real reward is the journey, everything you did that got you pointed in the right direction, whether it was deciding you were a poet, or reading all the greats until you could quote them in your sleep, or seeking interaction and feedback, having conversations with your peers, seeing improvement, the list could go on and on

everybody wants to point and blame and call names

i don't go anywhere because i have an agenda in mind, my purpose usually presents itself, like taking up for a young girl who was being bullied unmercifully, finding food for the hungry, light for the hopeless

i may be the biggest underachiever you ever meet, my reward?

it comes every time someone says my word touched their heart, i try to remember to be human, to be empathetic and caring, i try to remember that my purpose is not to be a poet, what the hell is that?, walk into an institution of higher learning and tell somebody that you are a poet, they'll laugh you off campus

i am a human, some days i do better at it then others, today i feel triumphant, i almost did something petty and ugly, i wanted to show someone's ugly reflection in the mirror, we all have moments, and you know what? i didn't, i took a deep breath and smiled and took a walk in the sunshine

BR, I am so sorry, I have been tripping over soap boxes for two days and you always seem to be on the other end, it is not my intention tto preach to you

[dw817]

*Whistles and cheers in loud approval !*

[Emily B]

and just to be clear, nothing is awry with the group, we're doing what we meant to, bad press doesn't really change our intentions or purpose

[Baby Ricochet]

LMAO. Actually this is a great review so I'm cheering right along with my buddy dw817