I Wanna Be Top Writer

Inspired by the Writers cafe's secret society s**t storm. A not to bad of an idea that quickly went awry

Straight to the top of the poetry chart
That's a fair deal to me
I don't want to work or do anything
Just hand it all to me

I can't be bothered to send RR's
I'm too cool to review
I'm too brilliant to learn to write
Cause I'm better than you

I write free verse with my eyes closed
hammered on whiskey sours
Hemingway was drunk off his a*s
That's how I spend my hours

So when I wrote my masterpiece
It didn't make the top
It's all that other writer's fault
The one who has me blocked

When all I said was he sucked a*s
and couldn't write a list
Some constructive criticism
So now the a*****e's pissed

Can't you see my brilliant genius
I shouldn't have to work
I don't want to write my way up
Cause I'm a lazy jerk

I don't wanna play the WC game
The social network shtick
I don't want to write reviews for
A bunch of rubes and hicks

So gimmi gimmi gimmi that top spot
I want it right away
Screw you chumps who worked for it
Who cares about fair play

Reviews

[Dean Kuch®]

Ah-h-h-h, my dear BR. Who has decided to piss in your Rice Crispies, my friend? Whoever it was, you ought to bow, then extend a warm and hearty—"Hey, thank you!"—'cause this poem here, it's a keeper! They have certainly inspired you to write a scathing, wicked satirical poem, which makes many valid points, I might add. I will say one rather derogatory thing about WC...It certainly ain't the place for writers of stories to go, that's fer damn sure! Just look at the live feed, for example. Poem, poem, poem, poem, poem comment on poem, poem...ad infinitum. I prefer to write stories. That's why I'm rarely ever here anymore. No one wants to take the time, it seems, to read a story. I'm no poet, that's a given. But, I do know what I like, and this little gem is going in my personal library.

As I said earlier, it's a keeper!

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you Dean. Sadly that is true about stories and the WC. Poets are ADD cases.

[Emily B]

invite me to a story and i will read it

[Nusquam Esse]

How unfortunate that his profile was closed. I was actually curious what his stories would be about.

[Philip Muls]

Which site is good for stories ? Any tips ? Regards Philip

[Tate Morgan]

Absolutely hilarious Ric. LOL you always crack us up and make us laugh at the absurdity.

[Baby Ricochet]

Sometimes there lots of it going around. Thank you Tate

[I Shred This Cabbage]

You see the 'truth' of your poem's protagonist, or should it be said antagonist, very clearly.

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you tunc

[Baby Ricochet]

Ha! you're a blast my friend... nothing is needed to be one, (a Top writer) as YOU are one, ;) with your fantastic humor! ;) and charisma. Made me giggle... and we should do that more on WC! thank you.

- Elisa

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you Elisa

Anytime :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

the second stanza really made me laugh out loud...all of it made me smile...

i want to be a pop star poet...and do concerts/readings...and get royalties every time they play one of my poems on the radio!

:)


i love your keen sense of humor.

[Baby Ricochet]

pop star poet. That would be awesome. Thank you Jacob. It's good to see you as always

[Angel]

This is HILARIOUS!!!!!
I've only been in the Cafe for about a month, but I caught a whiff of that shitstorm...I know some of the combatants...I...erm...think. Hard to tell, with people accusing people of having multiple accounts, people suddenly leaving the Cafe, and even one or two people I didn't know suddenly deciding to block me...
I don't really understand what its all about, really.
I'm just here to write, and to meet and greet other writers. I am not here to win any popularity contests, that's for sure. I know my stuff doesn't appeal to a lot of people, and that's okay.
In the immortal words of that famous sailor man, "Iyam wut Iyam and that's all wut Iyam"....

I love the picutre...that blue rose is precious!!
Thanks for putting it all into perspective, Baby Ricochet! You do got style!!

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you Angel.

[Angel]

This piece is just too good. I'm a bit jealous...going through a writer's block right now...
And here you are almost at the top.
You must have cheated!
I know...Jack dunnit!!

[Baby Ricochet]

He did

[Angel]

A toast to you, you little devil you...you made it to the TOP!!
I gotta get me a blue rose like that!

[Angel]

Out of plain curiousity, I went and looked up Tate Morgan's profile...all I know about him is from reading the comments on this poem and on the rant about the Illuminati by "nana"...who seems to have vanished into the mist. But here's the thing...the guy has me blocked.
I don't know him, have never read anything of his, have never gotten a review from him, would probably never have known he existed except for all this drama...
And he has me blocked!
OH, my poor broken heart!!

[quinfinn]

welcome to the tate hate machine......

[Angel]

Hey, Quinn...all I can figure is the guy must be muy paranoid, if he's running from me...I'm really not part of any "in crowds", the kind of stuff I write just doesn't appeal to a lot of people...and I'm still pretty new around here. I'm no threat to anybody...except maybe myself.
What the heck, let him block me...I'll block him right back, and figure that's one headache I managed to avoid. The money I would have spent on aspirin goes into my piggy bank...

[Peter H]

wow i wonder who this was slated for ?

[Baby Ricochet]

lol Thanks for stopping by Peter

[s y e]

Haha, this made me giggle! You'll be top writer, you have been before, haven't you??? I'm sure I've seen you there before! :O ????

~ Noodle.

[Baby Ricochet]

Yes I have. Several times. Thanks for stopping by noodle. It's always a pleasure to hear from you.

[s y e]

Awesome 'cause you deserve it. :-)

Always a pleasure, Baby.

[AlchemicPlutonian]

I don't know whether I'm fortunate enough to have spent JUST enough time here to understand the humor, and not enough to become totally involved in the drama, or unfortunate.

Either way I got a fantastic laugh out of this.

Throughout it seemed as though you (and I apoligize if it is completely wrong)
tried to keep it really simple, and put the effort into making it look like effortless angst.

10/10

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you sandbox. I've a knack for writing satire and I've written many pieces like this. I write them quickly with very little editing. That's why they seem so simple because they are. Funny thing is folks seem to like them better than work I've spent hours on so go figure. That's part of the joke with this iluminatti business and the top writer spot. I've gotten a few serious pieces in the top spot, like "Ice House of Broken Gears" and silly stuff like "LAPD Senryu." It doesn't matter how "high art" something is or how much you labored over it. It's just numbers.

[smilempsn]

Congratulations on being top :P
and a funny piece..

[Baby Ricochet]

thank you smile