I Wanna Be Top Writer

Inspired by the Writers cafe's secret society s**t storm. A not to bad of an idea that quickly went awry

Straight to the top of the poetry chart
That's a fair deal to me
I don't want to work or do anything
Just hand it all to me

I can't be bothered to send RR's
I'm too cool to review
I'm too brilliant to learn to write
Cause I'm better than you

I write free verse with my eyes closed
hammered on whiskey sours
Hemingway was drunk off his a*s
That's how I spend my hours

So when I wrote my masterpiece
It didn't make the top
It's all that other writer's fault
The one who has me blocked

When all I said was he sucked a*s
and couldn't write a list
Some constructive criticism
So now the a*****e's pissed

Can't you see my brilliant genius
I shouldn't have to work
I don't want to write my way up
Cause I'm a lazy jerk

I don't wanna play the WC game
The social network shtick
I don't want to write reviews for
A bunch of rubes and hicks

So gimmi gimmi gimmi that top spot
I want it right away
Screw you chumps who worked for it
Who cares about fair play

Reviews

[Dean Kuch®]

Ah-h-h-h, my dear BR. Who has decided to piss in your Rice Crispies, my friend? Whoever it was, you ought to bow, then extend a warm and hearty—"Hey, thank you!"—'cause this poem here, it's a keeper! They have certainly inspired you to write a scathing, wicked satirical poem, which makes many valid points, I might add. I will say one rather derogatory thing about WC...It certainly ain't the place for writers of stories to go, that's fer damn sure! Just look at the live feed, for example. Poem, poem, poem, poem, poem comment on poem, poem...ad infinitum. I prefer to write stories. That's why I'm rarely ever here anymore. No one wants to take the time, it seems, to read a story. I'm no poet, that's a given. But, I do know what I like, and this little gem is going in my personal library.

As I said earlier, it's a keeper!

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you Dean. Sadly that is true about stories and the WC. Poets are ADD cases.

[Emily B]

invite me to a story and i will read it

[Nusquam Esse]

How unfortunate that his profile was closed. I was actually curious what his stories would be about.

[Philip Muls]

Which site is good for stories ? Any tips ? Regards Philip

[Emerald Seas]

This was a hoot! What the heck does Top Writer at WC mean anyway? I never look at the main home page on this site - so I assume this is a position of some grandness you speak of? I couldn't tell you who's ever been in those ranking (and really - who cares?)

I must be missing something... But that's not a surprise! ;)

[Baby Ricochet]

lol! Thank you Serah

[ríða andlit]

Sera, it's the coveted title of ultimate grandness. Top Writer, today, tomorrow, the world!

[Princeps Angelus Mors]

It's the Internet equivalent of being Vladimir Putin.

[Emerald Seas]

Lol - let me dress for the occasion and hold my breath as I wait for the title...
At least I'll look good when someone finds my corpse ;-)

[Princeps Angelus Mors]

That would be the Internet equivalent of being Muammar Kadhafi.

[Cassie]

Hahahaha..This has made my day...hahaha!!!

[Baby Ricochet]

thank you cassie

[KAOlmsted]

Not for nothing but mine was 97.15 xD

You've nailed it, Baby...unfortunately.

Mine was a happy accident; I just wrote what I felt...but there are actually people who strive for this.

Sad, wondering what is lacking in their real lives that being #1 on WC makes them all...puffy...

So sad.

Anyway...to all the people who this offends...think about why.

;-) xoxo

[Baby Ricochet]

Kimmer you were on top for four days. It's rare for a piece to be up there that long. You struck a common chord with a theme that hooked readers. That's a key ingredient to good writing. One can argue what good writing is. I read the first twilight book and thought it was crap but what do I know about Romance novels for teenaged girls? Nothing, so I can't judge it. Poetry on the WC I do know something about and unsaid was a great piece. "I Wanna Be Top Writer's" funny but it's no "unsaid" It's no "Ice House Of Broken Gears" either. It did strike a common chord though. Thanks for stopping by. It's always a pleasure seeing you.

[KAOlmsted]

I honestly didn't know it was four days...Thanks for the kind words, Mark...it's no wonder you're my bestie :-D And you know the pleasure is always mine xoxo

[Grant P.]

Ha ha nice write, definitely the attitude of a good amount of writer's on this site. There are spider webs by the book department of the site. If a book (not a poetry book) makes it into the top five of popular writing, I'll personally buy a copy of it when it's published, because it means it's that good :D

[Baby Ricochet]

KAOLmsted wrote Judas Me and it's an excellent book. Thanks for stopping by Grant. It's always a pleasure to see new faces on the WC

[.]

Bahahha this is the first thing I see in a couple of weeks, and it made me laugh so hard :) Great job

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you Cord

[Exsanguination]

Damn son where'd you find that

[Baby Ricochet]

Thanks for dropping by Exsanguination

[Exsanguination]

I like it man. And no prob

[Onku Ghosh]

Wow !!!!!What a nice write.....totally different.Enjoyed myself thoroughly.

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you Onku

[AYVID]

This poem should make the top slot. :)
Great Baby! :)

[Baby Ricochet]

It did. Thank you Divya. It'd wonderful to see you.

[AYVID]

:) you too!

[Will]

Beat the writer's block in grand fashion, Mark! People often want all the fame and fortune without doing the all important nitty gritty work to earn it. Nice, upbeat rhyme scheme and good flow. My only problem (and it is a significant one) is that you use the wrong form of "to/ too." If you're saying something is "too much," it's "too." If you're saying "go to the store," it's "to." Just fix that and it's a great poem. Right now it's a good poem brought down by that glaring mistake. Good overall.

[Baby Ricochet]

Will do. Thanks Will

[Baby Ricochet]

So I went over a couple of on line grammar lessons on to and too so I think I got it. If not please tell me and I'll correct the mistakes. Thank you will, I appreciate your input.

[Will]

Everything looks good to me! Way to go!

[lee von cleef]

Sent to the front,
Riding point,
The tallest stalk,
Oh... what the hell,
the ground is still,
So damned hard.

[Baby Ricochet]

That's right!!!