I Wanna Be Top Writer

Inspired by the Writers cafe's secret society s**t storm. A not to bad of an idea that quickly went awry

Straight to the top of the poetry chart
That's a fair deal to me
I don't want to work or do anything
Just hand it all to me

I can't be bothered to send RR's
I'm too cool to review
I'm too brilliant to learn to write
Cause I'm better than you

I write free verse with my eyes closed
hammered on whiskey sours
Hemingway was drunk off his a*s
That's how I spend my hours

So when I wrote my masterpiece
It didn't make the top
It's all that other writer's fault
The one who has me blocked

When all I said was he sucked a*s
and couldn't write a list
Some constructive criticism
So now the a*****e's pissed

Can't you see my brilliant genius
I shouldn't have to work
I don't want to write my way up
Cause I'm a lazy jerk

I don't wanna play the WC game
The social network shtick
I don't want to write reviews for
A bunch of rubes and hicks

So gimmi gimmi gimmi that top spot
I want it right away
Screw you chumps who worked for it
Who cares about fair play

Reviews

[Dean Kuch®]

Ah-h-h-h, my dear BR. Who has decided to piss in your Rice Crispies, my friend? Whoever it was, you ought to bow, then extend a warm and hearty—"Hey, thank you!"—'cause this poem here, it's a keeper! They have certainly inspired you to write a scathing, wicked satirical poem, which makes many valid points, I might add. I will say one rather derogatory thing about WC...It certainly ain't the place for writers of stories to go, that's fer damn sure! Just look at the live feed, for example. Poem, poem, poem, poem, poem comment on poem, poem...ad infinitum. I prefer to write stories. That's why I'm rarely ever here anymore. No one wants to take the time, it seems, to read a story. I'm no poet, that's a given. But, I do know what I like, and this little gem is going in my personal library.

As I said earlier, it's a keeper!

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you Dean. Sadly that is true about stories and the WC. Poets are ADD cases.

[Emily B]

invite me to a story and i will read it

[Nusquam Esse]

How unfortunate that his profile was closed. I was actually curious what his stories would be about.

[Philip Muls]

Which site is good for stories ? Any tips ? Regards Philip

[QuietlyCrash]

Sweet Jesus preach! It's incredibly annoying to see people who are so entranced by being "top writer". It's complete bullshit. Stepping on people to have an electronic little badges is completely retarded. Sure, it's nice to get noticed and it's fun to see that people enjoy your work but Jesus on a honey biscuit, f*****g grow up and return the favor. This further proves my theory that over 89.99999 percent of people are absolutely f*****g retarded. Thank you for writing such a wonderful poem because this s**t need to be said. Great job BR. Sorry for all the language.
-Riley

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you Riley. I'm glad you liked it.

[nana]

This girl looks like Tony Sopranos daughter sure fits the piece. LOl this was great.

[Baby Ricochet]

She does doesn't she? Thank you Nana.

[Tate Morgan]

I personally think Ricochet should write a book of his poetry and
have told him so. I myself have helped 4 people achieve this goal.
David Moore helped me to write my first and As a friend to others
I have tried to pass that knowledge to those who are dedicated and
show promise. To me that has been the great blessing here to share
with my the gifts once given me. His work is worthy of note and worth
preserving for future generations.In Ric I see a very unique perspective on life.
The voice of the common man rings true from his creations. Ric has
achieved his status through hard work and talent and deserves to be
read for generations to come. I love to read his stuff because unlike
most of us he makes us all laugh at ourselves.That is something we
have lacked here for a while now and should preserve. I hope he pursues
this goal myself.

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you so much Tate. I'm pleased that you think so.

[Infinity Blues]

Do you know what sucks? Is the fact that so many young people, myself included, and at least half the population who have a soul, come to sites like the cafe, or allpoetry or another site like this, when we have no where else to go, and no one else to turn to. Often, when no one else is there and says it'l be ok, and so we write out our troubles and our souls, and get a whole s**t storm for it? What the f**k?
( please excuse my langaue)
So many people have left Writerscafe, as they are being pushed out of it. This site used to be the only family I had, and lately it just seems everyone is being shot down, and now their all dead and gone.
You're a master of the words BR. Couldnt stop laughing at the picture.
-Infinity

[dw817]

You certainly described me at the top, Infinity. as I'm quite new here. I - hope - there are no problems from others that would push me out. Xanga had a very bad cyberbullying problem in there, but so far it seems smooth sailing in Writer's Cafe.

I am not without recourse, should someone start to harass me in here, I am prepared to leave - but not without some tearful goodbyes at this point ...

[Infinity Blues]

This is my third time coming back to the cafe, as I have also been a victim of cyberbullying. If it happens once more, I too, intend on leaving the site for good.
I truly hope that you do not fall pray to anyone dw817, I've read some of your writing, and you have amazing penmanship. My heart goes out to Xanga, although I never had the pleasure of interacting with him, but I hope those responsible for his leaving are feeling guilty ( probably not, as you'd need a heart for that)
If you're ever in need of a chat, inbox is open dear. :)

[dw817]

Well thank you, I appreciate that very much ! Xanga (the blogging site) is in the process of shutting down - well, I wrote about that. It required me to create a 'doorway' account to filter out the trolls and cyberbullies.

http://www.xanga.com/d817

My main concern is Writer's Cafe needs a bit tighter security. It's good no doubt, but could definitely use some improvements. I noticed a whole collection of people's suggestions here -

http://www.writerscafe.org/forum/Suggestions/

and very few, if any of them, are being answered or considered. Most disappointing ...

I will say for the record a few of the reasons I am here.

[1] You can search for words directly inside people's blogs and writings.
[2] Writer's Cafe lists new people and unread posts along with top posts - very well done !
[3] Unlimited image uploads (I'm still not sure how they are doing this)
[4] True paste HTML, only restrictions are no Javascript and no CSS, flash objects are permitted.
[5] Exceedingly warm and friendly reception from visitors and friends

There are other blogging sites out there but few have met all of these criteria, especially the top one as most searches in blogging sites today require you to use keywords that are voted upon ahead of time. Makes it impossible to search for a phrase like, "Golden Ring"

[Infinity Blues]

Haha, I only just realized what Xanga was, yes, now I feel silly :(
Mmm, I noticed that those suggestions are being ignored, some of them would really help improve the site.
Those are good reasons to be here. I hope number 5 will never bring you doubts though

[dw817]

I doubt it ever will, thanks ! :)

[Baby Ricochet]

Well I hope no one tries to run you guys or anyone else off this site. That's crazy. Thank you for reading my poem Infinity Blues. I'm glad you liked it.

[Mary Christabel George]

I hope all of stay here as a close knit family of writes. Some Senior, some juniors, some budding some experienced. Yet a family. And baby it is always a laughable piece from ur end.

[dw817]

Well I have yet to discover which of the plants I am, either a blooming idiot or a budding genius. Sometimes I think there is a fine line between the two, but that could just be from the grade of fertilizer I've been fed throughout my life. *Grin*

[Mary Christabel George]

Hee...Hee... You are a writer irrespective of its stage. And that is very important.

[dw817]

Thanks ... ◕‿↼

[Vikrantsingh]

This one is way out of my mind *Crazy*
I hope this isn't pointing at me BR - This is wonderfully narrated and you made proper justice with the feelings of that lady who got her hands folded and appealing for # 1 in the chart.

Lines i loved the most -

I can't be bothered to send RR's
I'm too cool to review
I'm too brilliant to learn to write
Cause I'm better than you

[Baby Ricochet]

Never at you my friend. Thank you for reading Singh.

[OBWhiteHawk]

I am kind of getting, through reading a few posts, including this one, that there is some kind of clique/cool kids/popular people club on this site? And that there are some who cheat or that others believe that cheat to become one of them? I guess. Anyway I really REALLY love your style of writing as well as the photo, which is hilarious, here. Write on, dude!

[Emily B]

actually, they let me in, and I've never been in a cool kids club, its kinda the malt shop for kids in the comics, we aren't exclusive, there's no agenda, most of us don't enable ratings so we'll never be in the top spots, we just like to see people get read

or we are the anti-Christ, there are always two sides to every story :)

[OBWhiteHawk]

I think helping people get read is always a good thing. I admit that I try to hit some work up that has no reviews when I can, and say something nice to them. We pour our souls into our words and leave ourselves vulnerable when we post them here. Having someone appreciate or even critique us (as long as it's done gently, lol) definitely feels good.

[Emily B]

some among us go through life always feeling like they are never noticed, posting their words here sometimes feels like their very last chance to be seen

i'm glad you get it

[Baby Ricochet]

A small group of folks want to get some attention for writers that typically don't get any by "flash mobbing" the popular reading chart with one deserving writer's work so they formed a group, created a post, sent RRs and PMs, the usual stuff. Then another group countered that group claiming it was unfair and was wrong to tinker with the pop reading chart system. Naturally the discussion quickly degenerated into wild accusations and childish name calling. I have a knack for writing satire and I just couldn't pass it up. Thanks for stopping by Hawk. It's always a pleasure to see you.

[Corset]

LOL! well you made it, and deservedly so, leave it to baby to put everything into perspective. there is absolutely no threat to smother true talent, if it's deserved it will rise like the sun. Your little shiny cork face is bobbin' on the shiny water, gonna have to call you TOP GUN now :P Bravo! And thank you for illustrating (msp?) a pertinent point, just how silly the bickering can be. bless you sweetness.

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you Corset and bless you back

[Tai Ryens]

King of the Hill is no fun when you're at the top, especially with the immature bullies yanking you down by your undergarments.

[Baby Ricochet]

LOL! Thanks Tai

[Marie Anzalone]

Chuckling. What you write about is an accusation that has been leveled against me recently. I keep wondering exactly where the hell it comes from? In 5 years of being on site, exactly ONE of my works, to my knowledge, ever made it into a top write. I am pretty sure it happened one the one day when nobody else had anything better to do, before they realized it was me, and stopped. Luckily, the site survived, and rivers did not start flowing backwards or turning to blood. I think if I ever actually chanced upon my name there again I might start preparing for the end times. I was here in Central America, among the Maya, for the Maya apocalypse. Cats started howling at the moon. I quick checked the site to make sure I had not accidentally made Top Writer. Or, as it is called in some circles, "Head Writer."

Anyone who actually takes the time to make up their own mind about almost anyone on this site will quickly understand that is not why they write, at all. When someone accuses someone else of it, says a lot more about the accuser than the accused.

But here is the thing. We forget that human beings are behind these posts. The things we write are often part of our souls. Putting them out there is an act of extreme vulnerability. We are here for the creative space, for the safe space that is created for creativity to flow. We all have our days when we do not think before we open our mouth. For some it becomes more of a lifestyle choice. Think about it... every time you have the chance to review someone's writing, you hold the ability to touch their soul in your hands.

I wish I could say that it can be laughed off, but I spent much of last night consoling a writer who was forced off site by the biggest bully I have ever met in my life. And I have worked for some huge a******s. The things that were said to this man, by another writer here, made my blood curdle. The man has nothing but this site, and he felt that was taken from him. For him, being in the top writers was a badge of something he had earned. He gave me a glimpse into the manipulation that goes on to work ratings, and it was horrifying when taken in context of human beings. Coordinated personal attacks, coordinated efforts to bring others down. Coercion.

I asked the victim to collab on a romance piece with me, and it made him smile. I got the feeling it was the first time he had smiled in days. Writing means that much to him. It means that much to a lot of other people, too, including myself. Two of my best friends on site left this week. They are the type of souls who will be sorely missed. Truth be told, I almost left, too. A single act of kindness from someone I did not even know made me remember why I love this place, and put time and energy and love into it. I wish I could say I were thick skinned enough to not let the attacks directed against me, the accusations of being a bully when I stand up for myself, the making my idea for collectively spreading some positivitiy in new directions, into somethng hateful and underhanded... I wish I could say that none of this affects me.

But it does. I am merely human, too. I do actually have feelings that have been hurt. Very deeply.. more by what has been said about others close to me than about me. Done to others. Diego being pushed off site broke my heart yesterday. A grown man bullied into tears and despair broke my heart. One of the best wirters the site has ever known, pushed off and accused of "taking sides" because he wanted people to treat each other fairly, the same way I do. Many people dead, one here, because of this type of behavior.

These aren't things to laugh about. They are a reflection of us.

[Emily B]

we can holler til the cows come home, our story is probably not as much fun, there's no beat, you can't dance to it

[Marie Anzalone]

too dosed with reality... does not fit in a snappy sound byte... too much for the average attention span

thank god BR has a longer than usual attention span :-)

[Baby Ricochet]

Diego left the WC? So did my boy quinfinn for the same reasons. I don't get it. Just write, friend and review. If you don't like some one's work don't read it. This whole harassing people off the site business is crazy. Thank you for reading Marie. It's always a pleasure to hear from you.

[Marie Anzalone]

yes, he did. yesterday CHL left a few days ago, is back checking in occasionally. I am doing damage control on Quinn. He was hurt BAD. I almost left this week. I do leave people alone, Rico. But I also try to explain myself when misunderstood, and defend myself when attacked. I cursed someone out last night, for the first time ever, and meant every single word for what that individual did to someone. The light of a few that shone so bright will be missed terribly.

[Emily B]

los desaparecidos, people are leaving, disappearing, because nobody will say anything on their behalf

[ríða andlit]

I have no fear. Tate treated q abominably. I read the exchange. The level of disparity Tate showed was beyond reason, words, beyond the cruelest forms of treatment. To speak that way to a man who is I'll and only wants to write. A man who has been attacked and bullied by other members. There was no compassion in Tate's rants, no. He demanded q serve his own agenda by putting q in the line of fire. When q declined, that's when the guilt trips, name calling and cussing came into play. I never had much respect for Tate, to begin with, now I find him to be the most vile cretin. Nothing he could do, now, would ever redeem him in my eyes.

I also saw that my dear friend Emily was called violent and a "disease" to this site. I was blocked for defending her. Emily?! Violent?! Come on!

BR, please tell me, in such cases, what would you have done? You defend your friends when the paranoia and bullying start. I will not become a pariah for being loyal.

[ríða andlit]

**ill phone auto-corrected it.

[Princeps Angelus Mors]

What I found most amusing is that nana-slash-Tate said that she-slash-he would only allow people discussing on the pros and cons of the group's existence, and yet, she-slash-he deleted any comment that defended it.

[Princeps Angelus Mors]

I subscribe to BRS. Never have I seen a more foul, greedy and vile b*****d.

A manipulative hypocrite, he is.

[ríða andlit]

Yes, I saw that, too. Marie extensively listed all the good things, tried to show Nana that the group's wording is very tongue-in-cheek. That was deleted. Well, it's Nana's profile. Nana can do what IT wants.

[Marie Anzalone]

Rico, you stood up for a lot of people being bullied. You stood up once for me... I will never forget that. What is going on sickens me.

[Princeps Angelus Mors]

GO READ THE ENDING!

[ríða andlit]

Oh, and the ranting I refer to is in direct correlation of this post. Tate wanted q to "help the site" by tearing the Illuminati group apart, publicly, on Mama's post that started this whole mess to begin with.

[ríða andlit]

**Nana Jesus, damn you auto-correct!

[Princeps Angelus Mors]

And also to defend, what he called, "frieda's honour". To which Q responded with something of the sorts of "f**k off", and rightfully so.

[Marie Anzalone]

is this more appropriate offline?

[Princeps Angelus Mors]

I have no idea.

[Marie Anzalone]

for quinn's sake

[ríða andlit]

Well, it's actually quite funny, really. He mouthfoamed and then some to "protect" his site from the horrible, secretive, oppressive group that is the Illuminati. A group that is actually trying to make this site better by brightening someone's day.

You'd think he was getting paid to collect invisible internet points. It's so silly. Plus, some of the members were recently attacked. 12 of my pieces were reviewed by someone named "equal." All I received was a punctuation mark and lowered ratings. Happened to Marie and Emily, too.

I went and checked my Google Analytics. I had several visits, that night, from someone in Ohio. Marion and Hiliard. Now who could that have been? In fact, I get visited from those same places quite frequently, with each visit lasting in upwards of 15 minutes.

Really, now, I ask you, why would anyone get so worked up over a website?

[Princeps Angelus Mors]

Small dick?

[Jack...]

Well at least we can rest in the fact that you guys and gals don't gang up on people.

[nana]

I swear this bunch had to be weaned on an icicle lol!

[Princeps Angelus Mors]

Why, hello Tate!

So kind of you to descend from your Castle high-above and pay us mortals a visit.

[Holly Mason]

Penning for glory...
it does seem like a lot of work...is it o.k. if I absolutely do not care who is in the "Top Spot?"
I like so many of the "Top Spot" folks writing -hence the "Top Spot" folks*)
but I Love Jacob's the best- so he is always my "Top Spot" -
been waiting to see what you would do and I love it great write..not just on content but overall
fun to read , love the pic, and adore your chosen rhymes

and if folks chose this site to be their FAMILY they have that write*)
a FAMILY is what we make of it...so many do not have one to back them up and this has become their family...and they will love it, cherish it, and yes protect it...
"Top Spot" you are fine sir...thank you for standing up -truly
did I ever tell ya I am a Military Chaplain? well have a super fun day

[Baby Ricochet]

I didn't know you were a Chaplin. Thank you for reading Holly

[ríða andlit]

As in Charlie? Lol, guys, it's chaplain.

Sorry, I came to read the exchange between Emily and Marie and saw the spelling. Had to help you guys, surely you understand.

[ríða andlit]

Actually, I was just trying to be nice and I kind of chuckled when I saw you had corrected it. Glad I could be of service!

[ríða andlit]

Plus, it set up the Chaplin joke and, whenever Chaplin is mentioned, it's never a bad day.

[Princeps Angelus Mors]

Never have I ever seen someone act so defensive!

[Holly Mason]

well then although for me I have to let ya know that I did not correct it
but the Chaplin thing was truly cute
see what happens when I jump to conclusions ...I have to stop doing that
and the amazing gifts - I meant every word of it-I actually like watching the news feed just for the knowledge but I am forever looking things up...so I thank you for that and also I apologize if I spell it wrong- Princeps guy wow and there is no sarcasm...promise the stuff you folks know blows me away...

[Holly Mason]

well I could of spelled name correctly if you were there before...truly intelligent really and truly

[ríða andlit]

Cool.