Ice House of Broken Gears

     My body's bloated on the tide
           Rivers of bloody tears
  My lungs are choking on Chloride
       Ice house of broken gears

     Push my body to the marrow
         Expending all my years
     Living lies with no tomorrow
     Ice house of broken gears

   Broken down to a credit score
        What life means to me 
I'm nothing but a paycheck w***e
        This life is failing me

 Constructing damaged alternates
       Running on angry fears
    Frustration always incubates
    Ice house of broken gears

  Thrown to corrupted legal men
           A jury of my peers
    Prosecutors unleashed again
     Ice house of broken gears

   Dragged into a broken system
     designed to make me pay
     Turning me into a victim
    They took my pride away

  Always running the tilt a whirl
   Sick clowns with ugly leers
 Watching life sink down a swirl
   Ice house of broken gears

Reviews

[Lady Ra]

Great poem. There was a wonderful lecture by a woman named Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes - the lecture was called "The Boy Who Married an Eagle." In the lecture she speaks about how men are treated in this culture as if they do not feel, but men have all kinds of feelings; all kinds of hopes and dreams. Men in this culture are taught to work themselves to the grave. And now women are too in addition to raising children. This is a marvelous poem. Very brave and eloquent.

Ra

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you Lady Ra. I appreciate your input.

[The Ink Chapters]

This was an amazing poem! I love your style of writing and I love the way you repeat "ice house of broken gears" without a feeling a repetition but rather the building of its importance.
Amazing wording and it flows nicely. However the last paragraph for me I felt wasn't the strongest, it didn't flow as nicely as the others for me. This is still one of the best I've read on writers cafe, nice work!

[Lyn Anderson]

Great use of repetition, and the last stanza is outstanding.

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you KL

[Daniel Sala]

Really nice, you bring out the absurdity which is supposed to be "normal" of the everyday with swift, precise verses, the frustration and disappointment people feel for a whole dynamic which unintentionally fails them in so many ways. "Broken down to a credit score", "Constructing damaged alternates, Running on angry fears", "Always running the tilt a whirl, Sick clowns with ugly leers". A (sadly) great read and poem.

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you Daniel

[Daniel Sala]

I am glad I have had the pleasure of reading this poem, it has been well worth the time to read and enjoy, the thanks go to you.

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

We are pretty much all slaves to the system. Like worker ants, we scurry, always in a hurry, to get somewhere that really gets us nowhere. I really admire the few who break this cycle, who buck the system, and deem to do it their own way.

My favorite stanza:

"Broken down to a credit score
What life means to me
I'm nothing but a paycheck w***e
This life is failing me"

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you Linda

[Eddie Phillips]

A great poem with a good message. It is truthful and makes us consider things honestly. -Eddie

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you Eddie

[KeeD]

One of your more serious writes which always get to me. Speaks of real world problems that kids are sheltered from by the efforts of their parents, but when the time comes everyone faces the pointed end of the gun. Excellent piece BR, stay strong and move along in tough times. Much respect and love, Kee.

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you sir

[Ayvid N]

Some very sobering thoughts I get, as I read this poem. Written in a moment of frustration, but I think it is moments such as these when a writer is at his creative best and attains the utmost clarity in his expressions. This writing is one such. One of your best writes for me Baby!

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you Divya

[Tom]

Very powerful, great rhyme & flow !

I'm not easily impressed but this one blew me away, awesome !

[Baby Ricochet]

thank you tom

[Ed Hart]

well spoken...i know the territory well

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you sir

[SquinklaPsyOps]

It seems like the character in the poem is touched by the duty of his work, and is aware of things from work that he does agree with, and with that realizes his work is questioning his values in exchange for compensation, while the pressure is there it enables the character in the poem to be at ease, following the orders of superiors that are in the same boat of making a living, and is exposed to criticism and direct judgment from the people that the character deals directly with that are not aware is just following orders while he sees their lives affected by what could be an illusion if heat melts the ice foundation into water.

[Baby Ricochet]

Ah. Thank you