I like it. Very descriptive; I could actually picture this girl in my head. Well, aside from the fact that there is a picture, of course. Anyhow, I loved the use of words and details. The theme, also! Obviously a tale of a man obsessing over a girl, especially with the phrase, "You're gonna be all mine" in the end. Excellent work! If you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you'd stop by my profile and check out a few of my works. I, too, am an aspiring writer looking for opinions. Thanks! Keep up the great work! Write on! :)
so someone told me that in order for me to be officially a cougar - I would need to divide my age in half and then add 7 - which would mean - any beef aged less than 31 years would get me cougar status. I can't even register veal on that scale. Maybe its different for women. I don't know. I do know that some girls - young girls really do look physically older than I think me and my friends looked as teens. And with the internet - its so easy to get yourself out there. And there are young women who are focused on their physical appearance so much more than I was at that age - because we do so much 'social networking.' Still - there's that whole "jail bait thing" - My older spawn is 21 - has a gorgeous girlfriend - and I'm relieved because - well - he likes girls and he's over 21 - and that can get him into trouble. All my weird parental rambling aside, this was an interesting poem - I can grasp the concept of that "internal predator" - well penned.
Posted 11 Years Ago
11 Years Ago
Thank you TL. Fashion's changed quite a bit since back in the day. Piercings, Tattoos, low riding sk.. read moreThank you TL. Fashion's changed quite a bit since back in the day. Piercings, Tattoos, low riding skinny jeans, big hoochie ear rings, the Emo look and so on. A beautiful 20 year old girl in skinny jeans and a tight crop top with a pierced navel and tongue with big, dangling ear rings, a tramp stamp and emo style make up is going to drive any straight guy completely out of his mind.
11 Years Ago
YUP! ( kinda like ginormous sparkly earrings myself ;))
I'll tell you what part made me stop reading and freaked me out a bit:
" Body blossomed into woman
Face of a virgin child"- I know that it isn't how you meant it, but the image that popped into my head was that of Ellie, one of the kids that I coach, she grew 7 inches last year and her body is taking it's adult form, but she's a baby, just turning eleven. I know you weren't thinking of any such thing, but the unfortunate pairing of words startled me and certainly turned off anything that might have been hot in the beginning.
I know it isn't what you meant! That is just all that I could see in my eye. It's a danger of workin.. read moreI know it isn't what you meant! That is just all that I could see in my eye. It's a danger of working with kids!
I write just for the hell of it
A way to spend some time
Blurting out in cyber space
Whatever's on my mind
Maybe funny maybe tragic
Emotional and raw
Politi.. more..