Art Critic

   I was looking at a book of art
 I thought I needed some culture
      So we went to a museum
 and looked at stupid sculptures

   We went to the Guggenheim
   The building was pretty cool
   It looked like a big a*s tea pot
    Made out of a cable spool

  So we went inside the building
  I was prepared to be impressed
   The first exhibit that we saw
  looked like a maintenance mess

  About a Gazillion extension cords
   were strung around the room
The curator told some bullshit story
  About how it represented doom

Then there was the giant canvas
with the rope glued in the middle
Meant to represent the ties of man
  or some such fucked up riddle

There was some kind of mobile
   hanging around outside
it looked kinda like a taxi crash
  mixed with formaldehyde

Nothing looked like art to me
   It seemed to be a sham
The talent was in perpetrating
  An art scene Nuevo scam

  So I asked the bitchy lady
"Who comes up with this s**t?"
My 5 year old autistic cousin
  Would be an art scene hit

  She just glared into my face
   Like she needed a laxative
  Then she said in a snotty tone
  Sir you're not being imaginative

So I guess she had me pegged
  For a lowbrow philistine
I say you don't have to be told
what art's suppose to mean

You don't need a sales pitch
   To feel art in your gut
You know what it means to you
   That's what art's about

If someone has to sell the hype
of what art's suppose to mean
Maybe it's just a giant hoax
and a bullshit ponzi scheme

Reviews

[Marie]

Art is in the beholder's eye. What you perceive is the reality to you, no matter what it means to other people.

[Baby Ricochet]

thank you

[Indie Skreet]

Sounds pretty much like a work of art to me .... funny and enjoyable and perplexes me too, the way some people can appreciate any old s**t :)

[daydreamer]

HA!!! Brilliant. That's all I have to say about that.

[Baby Ricochet]

thank you

[Kaylor Mason]

Very true. The people who sell and promote art and literature are not in the business of promoting culture--even though they say otherwise; their true business is to make money, any way they can. If the greatest critics had one clue of what true art is, what it feels like to mold and create from the depths of the soul, then they wouldn't be critics--they'd be artists. The job of critic was invented for people who have no talent or creativity whatsoever, and they envy those who do. I've always thought the only one who has a right to critique art is a professional artist, just as the only one who can critique literature is a professional writer, and so on and so forth.
I wouldn't call you a low brow Phillistine; whenever I go to exhibitions like that and stare at some new age avant garde sculpture, my only thought is: "How did the man get the cockroach to stay still that long?"

[Baby Ricochet]

HA! Great Review. Thanks Kailer

[Michael G.]

Art is what you make of it. And you have given your artistic genius to this piece. Great work, BR.

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you Mr G

[Annabelle Lee]

Finally! One of the reasons I decided not to take art this year. I opted for music and weights.... You don't need a translator for either of THOSE subjects.

[Baby Ricochet]

Sometimes. Thank you Anne Marie

[Annabelle Lee]

Who's Anne Marie?

[Frieda P]

This is over the wall, batshit crazy...love it. Remember Baby, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and artists are just as insane as poets. Nice one.

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you

[KAOlmsted]

Completely agree. Really good stuff here. I was smiling through the entire piece.

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you

[Inda]

I agree with you here; abstract art gets so weird sometimes that it becomes bullshit!
The story is very funny btw. :)

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you

[RachelReaper]

imaginative...? They glued a rope to a piece of paper.... Maybe I should get into art. I'll glue some trash to a piece of paper and say its supposed to mean that "people litter and they are killing their own world".

[Baby Ricochet]

HA!

[Robbie~xoxo~]

"She just glared into my face
Like she needed a laxative
Then she said in a snotty tone
Sir you're not being imaginative

So I guess she had me pegged
For a lowbrow philistine
I say you don't have to be told
what art's suppose to mean" ~ You are anything but unimaginative... your writes certainly prove that. As for art...it's true, you do feel it in your gut, if it has any significance at all. Nice write!

[Baby Ricochet]

thank you robbie