Jade's Haiku

Jade was my troubled obsession.

Statuesque little sin

Newport menthols on metal breath

Ebony pixies dance

Author's Note

I used another sylible counter when I edited this so now the count is 6 7 6. I know that's still "wrong" but I for one won't be pushed around by the Japanese.

Reviews

[AYVID N]

I had a little trouble interpreting this one too. But you paint a pretty picture here.

[Baby Ricochet]

Jade was a girl I was playing around with. She was a beautiful black pixie of a girl. She smoked Newport menthols that made her mouth taste a bit metallic.

[AYVID N]

Interesting!

[Epipsychologist]

I like this on its own, but seeing the explanation you gave Tai made it better.

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you.

[Tai Ryens]

Menthols . . . Metal . . . Smoking?

[Baby Ricochet]

Jade was a girl I was " friends " with. She claimed she was 19 but could have been younger. I never checked her ID. She smoked Newport menthols., ebony pixies dance is a reference to jade being black and petite. Dance is a reference to sex. There's 3 photos of jade in my site photos if you're curious. She was a beautiful girl.

[Tai Ryens]

I thought I had caught faint references to sex here. Well done.

[DrD]

Another Haiku (did you sneeze?) I'm always afraid of interpreting these things wrong but I take it this is an anti-smoking one, right? If I'm not right, then make believe I am, please.

[Baby Ricochet]

Ha!

[Annabelle Lee]

haha. dont sweat it, haiku is hard to master. and often harder to read. but this was not, so thank you.

[Baby Ricochet]

You are welcome

[Marie]

Nice haiku...not quite counted right (I know, I know, grunts can't count) but nice all the same...good imagry.

[Baby Ricochet]

I used a sylible counter for this one and it's still not right. Ah screw it. It a fine haiku.

[Inda]

This one is the best haiku so far! Such imagery its almost like the begining of a story. Great job!

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you.

[.]

You've hit it like a sniper

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you

[Frieda P]

I can deal with the extra syllable since it's so brilliant, says so much. Well done.

[Baby Ricochet]

I used a sylible counter that said it was 5 7 5 and I've been told if it's not in Japanese the count doesn't count. It's all good.

[Frieda P]

I'm not one for rules in poetry, so go for it....

[Ruth]

I love it! These concise pieces become you :)

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you