Frightend badboy haiku

the boy spits at me

I put my rifle in his face

He runs away screaming

Reviews

[Michael G.]

Simple ... precise.


A man of action
with very few words to say
He writes a haiku.

Haiku
A Haiku has three lines. For a traditional haiku, the first line has 5 syllables. The second line has 7 syllables. The third line has 5 syllables again.

Example

Red Rose
a red petal bends (5 syllables)
sparkling drops of dew glisten (7 syllables)
like tears they roll off (5 syllables)
- written by Gabriella 2

The traditional Japanese haiku requires some reference to nature or the season. The goal of a haiku is to capture a single moment with very few words.

A non-traditional haiku can have less than 5/7/5 syllables. A common variation is 3/5/3.

Also try "senryu" ( www. Poetry Dances )

[Baby Ricochet]

Thanks Mr G. I'm stuck with posting on my phone for a while on account of my computer crashing and I'm not going to do anything about until january. I miss writing and and this phone will drive you bat s**t crazy trying to write anything more than a dozen lines so it's time to work short

[Michael G.]

oorah!

[That_Girl]

Second line has 8 and third has 6 I think. There's an online syllable counter. Check it out. This made me laugh though. :D

[Baby Ricochet]

Good idea. Thanks avy

[KAOlmsted]

I'm not afraid of you ;-) The visceral impact of this piece is evident, but it's not actually Haiku in the sense it doesn't follow the 5, 7, 5 syllable format...but who's counting? *laugh* I enjoyed it on a much higher level: the level at which you write. Thank you for sharing this with us, Baby...now put the rifle down and back away slowly... :-D

[Baby Ricochet]

Thanks kimmer. Sometimes Im a little vague on syllables

[KAOlmsted]

Like I said, I enjoyed it nonetheless. You should try a Tanka...more lines to get your point across...same damn syllable rules, though. To paraphrase Roger Waters, "Those wily Japanese!" :-D

[Frieda P]

I'm definitely afraid of you Ricochet....good read, I dare not say anything else. ;-)

[Baby Ricochet]

If you recall the line in the lead up to the invasion from guys like wolfowitz, cheeney, rumsfeld and bush that we would be greeted as liberators they forgot to tell the iraqies so liberators isn't what they saw when our armored columns rolled up their streets

[Frieda P]

Ah yes, I wasn't thinking along those lines, thanks for the clarification.

[Tai Ryens]

In my book, those who are strong are so in a mentally fashioned way, and know better than to flaunt their true strength to the general public. Those who do strut here and there with a grinning pride in their face are, at most, a cowerdice. I liked this certain poem, got my brain to function.

[Baby Ricochet]

Thanks tai

[Ayvid N]

Hi Baby Ricochet! He must be scared :)
Looking forward to reading some more of your writing...soon!

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you for the review

[Richard Morimanno]

nicely written

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you for the review

[Richard Morimanno]

although i must inquire.. tis a true experience of yours?