The events in this story happened in 1999/2000. Before Marines were big heros. This is my first story so look out. This could suck.
Back when I was dating my wife most of her friends were clueless why I held the magnetism over her that I did. On the face of it we could not have been more different. She was a liberal art school club girl from southern california and I was a lean mean fighting Marine from South Carolina. About the last guy on the planet these people could picture her with. What they didn't get was the power of the underlying archetypal attraction between us as Knight and Damsel. While all these southern Ca guys were trying to be cool and smooth with her in their game I came riding into her life on a black war horse covered in Armor. When we met I knelt before her, kissed her hand, laid my sword at her feet and she was slayed. The splitting cracks in my Armor started to appear in the form of jealous rages I was to come notorious for.
Gina had about a gazzilion friends. Whenever we'd go out to clubs a procession of people would run up to her all huggy and kissy. Mostly girls, gay dudes and harmless straight guys. I was fine with that. There was this one guy though, Nick. Oooh did he ever get under my skin. He was a snarky little s**t who didn't know when to shut the f**k up and obviously wanted Gina. Nick viewed me as an ignorant brutish jarhead that had no business being with a girl he wanted and I viewed him as a sniveling civilian coward with an a*s that was just begging to have my boot print stomped into it. Two opposing views that all but insured the confrontation that came.
One night when we were out and I had a bit to much to drink Nick's crew just happen to roll into the club Gina and I were at. During a brief conversation in which Nick refered to me as "Eichmann" and made a few flirtatious comments towards Gina I dragged him out into the parking lot by his arm to as I so eloquently put it "settle this s**t right the f**k now." Once Nick realized the spot he was in he tried to de-escalate the situation but I wasn't having it. (picture Henry Rollins in a fight with Bill Maher) He was going to get a lesson in why it was a f**k bad idea to insult my honor and have covetous eyes for my girl. Unfortunately this lesson took place in the parking lot of a crowded club with dozens of people looking on many of which were Gina's friends who held the view I was some kind of Nazi and me bullying a hapless Nick was the proof. I didn't hurt him. I just put him in an arm bar, pinned him to an SUV and gave him a piece of my mind. By that point he was to scared to do or say anything. Nick had been thoroughly humiliated and so was Gina. She was seriously pissed at me and it took a lot of explaining and begging before she would forgive me. After that you would have thought I would have learned. Nope.
A few months later there was another incident. This time it was a guy she worked with. I saw a couple of texts I didn't like and asked Gina what was going on. "Oh he's harmless" she assured me, "I'll tell him to stop." I believed her but I thought the message would be better understood if I was the one to deliver it. I knew who he was so I went down to the Barnes and Noble Gina worked at the next day for "a talk" with this guy. I lured him over to a quiet corner of the store and impressed upon him why it would be in his best interest not to talk to Gina out side of work. Apparently I was convincing cause he ran straight to store management and told them Gina's psychotic boy friend had threatend him. Gina got into trouble and I got banned from the store. To me I was making certain my message was understood. To gina I had humiliated her in front of her co-workers and had yet again lived up to my image as a Nazi. The book store incident was the first time Gina openly questioned our relationship and it took a lot more explaining, begging and this time crying before she would forgive me. It wasn't that I thought Gina was cheating on me or ever would. It just seriously set me off when other guys took liberties with what in my mind was mine. The club incident with Nick was one thing. That a*****e had been begging me for an a*s kicking from the moment I met him but the book store incident, I was out of line.
I let a couple of months go by before I snuck back into the book store to talk to the guy. I apologized for scaring the crap out of him and he was gracious about it. The book store ban was lifted and the whole mess blew over. I may have a jealous streak but when I'm wrong I'll admit it and try to make it right.
Thank you so much for reading the whole thing. I'd like to write more stories but there's no doubt poetry gets more play on this site. If I get a good response for this I'll write another one about an incident that happened after we were married that made these two confrontations look like a meeting at a sunday school brunch.
My Review
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Great story telling. This did justice in the realm of getting the message across. Great message. There's lot of times where a story can have a great message to aim for, and have a lot of under lining things but then no one gets it, and if no one gets it, then the point has failed. But in my opinion this did well to get the message across. You made it clear, which is why I think it's good. Keep up the good work. What was also great was that I could imagine the story as I read it, and that is also a strong point of stories. The ability to have the reader imagine it because after all we're reading not watching it, but it was as if I was there as I read this, and that is great. Great visuals and great story telling. It had plot and substance. When you add substance to writing it gets that much better. It gets the reader hooked on it and make them feel as if they are part of it. As long as their is that emotional connection between the reader and the story then it's good.
you were prob. really great in the military though I am sure it did not help your plight inregards to territorial issues. What is it inside that makes you feel so outta control that you must control your surroundings? its interesting really. I was controlled so many years that I now feel I have to control things to keep them neat and tidy or chaos will consume me. Control in my life is key to health, wealth, and happiness but I still long for the missing link. Do you see it this way too?
Posted 12 Years Ago
12 Years Ago
I was young from a small town in SC with a hot southern CA chick on my arm and no one was going to g.. read moreI was young from a small town in SC with a hot southern CA chick on my arm and no one was going to get her away from me without an a*s beating. I know how possessive that sounds but that's how I felt at the time and outside of the actual confrontations I got into she loved how protective I was of her. It made her feel special.
12 Years Ago
Thank you for reading "A Jealous Baby Ricochet" seeker.
12 Years Ago
yes, i do see where that comes into play. I love to feel protected by my hubby but I have been in re.. read moreyes, i do see where that comes into play. I love to feel protected by my hubby but I have been in relationships where that protection became jealousy and went to far. It is a very fine line in a woman's or even man's eye I think. I totally get the hot blooded thing I am from the south as well. I have been known for my bouts of possessive heat stroke as well.LOL thanks for sharing!
This was the first story I ever wrote for WC and I neglected to mention these events took place when.. read moreThis was the first story I ever wrote for WC and I neglected to mention these events took place when I was stationed at Camp Pendleton in southern CA. Smoking hot girls were everywhere and I'd never seen anything like it. These were no ordinary girls. These were Guurlss. They didn't have guurlss in Camden SC. So when I got one I thought I had won the Guurl lottery. So I got a little testie about other guys sniffing around her. That's all.
12 Years Ago
LOL I don't think i have ever been a girl or a Guurl! But I do get the gist. ;p
Amazing story! I was quite amused with the part about you scaring the guy at Barnes and Noble; sounds like you're pretty bad to the bone, haha! I must say, your writing technique is very good, and the story itself is totally intriguing and very detailed. I look forward to reading more of your stories soon! Keep up the good work! :)
Posted 12 Years Ago
12 Years Ago
I don't think I would do something like that again. I was a young, cocky Marine then. I'm a divorced.. read moreI don't think I would do something like that again. I was a young, cocky Marine then. I'm a divorced vet now. Different head space completely. Thank you so much for reading my work Shelby
An honest assessment of self, expressed well as a story. Your first line captures the reader. Good topic, good write. I'm looking forward to reading your next story.
~pat
You have almost melted what remains of my silly heart. To be cared for so, no matter how that form takes, as long as it is sincere and loving, truly that is something worthwhile. Thank you Baby, you are you, no bullshit.
I liked reading a story of a brief moment in your life and must say a man who will go back and apologize for a mistake is a strong man. Most people in general would not go back and do that. You loved her and it shows in this work.
Of course, Ricochet, if you could make the PHONE BOOK rhyme, I would be sold. But theres something very alluring about this story that MADE me want to read all of it. And I am not much of a story person. Keep up the good work and I cant wait for more.
Posted 12 Years Ago
12 Years Ago
THank you so much for reading. It's a good story length for us poetry lovers, SHORT.
Well, first of all, if we ever trade stories about love, hate, jealousy, possessiveness, and a*s kicking, you would come across as Mahatma Gandhi's weaker brother.
"harmless straight guys"...oh really? We need to talk! Enough of that.
Like you, kimmer, and others have said the people here on WC have a short attention span and about the only ones who read and review stories are other story writers, except for you. This "story" has gotten more play than any other I've seen, I think.
The story is interesting however the telling needs work. You have the "it" factor going for you. Like all the greats say; if you want to get better just do it. Keep writing and reading good stories. I have a long way to go too.
Posted 12 Years Ago
12 Years Ago
HA! Thank you so much for reading my work Clayton. It's a short, short story. I think that helps.
The first paragraph should be intendented, to make the piece more balanced out, but cool
Posted 12 Years Ago
12 Years Ago
Thank you so much for reading my work. I confess I don't know what indendented means.
12 Years Ago
Intent is when you intent a paragraph, I made an error in my spelling, that should be my fault, you .. read moreIntent is when you intent a paragraph, I made an error in my spelling, that should be my fault, you know when you intent a paragraph you skip a line and click space a few times
I write just for the hell of it
A way to spend some time
Blurting out in cyber space
Whatever's on my mind
Maybe funny maybe tragic
Emotional and raw
Politi.. more..