Family reunion of the southern fried life

Another quickie

We're going to my dysfunctional family Affair

If you shot me right now I just wouldn't care

      Every year it's our private depair

I'm ready to run screaming before I get there

 

Aren't you supposed to be coming tonight

It's almost 6:30 you know that's not right

What do you mean you got a Tarantula bite

You're not getting out of this reunion tonight

 

Just walk through the door and get in the car

Stop faking an aneurism you little retard

Just sit quietly on the couch that isn't so hard

I swear I'll drag you across our front yard

 

You finally relented and over the hills we went

Down the road to where my childhood was spent

If I ever want sex again you said I could get bent

That's why hookers is where all our money is spent

 

So up to the front of the house we pull up

Where pitbulls are chained up to pickup trucks

Where a double wide trailer is spending big bucks

 if you want to eat healthy you're s**t out of luck

 

Here come my two cousins Wilber and Jed

They kept them chained up in the back of a shed

     Until they arranged for Jed to be wed

and dropped rocks on Wilber's soft little head

 

Then up rolls my five hundred pound aunt

With her scary a*s cameltoe riding her pants

I try to look away but somehow I just can't

The site always put me in a horrified trance

 

Then there's the table overflowing with food

 jugs full of moonshine the oldman had brewed

gangs of toddlers running around in the nude

a fleabag old hound dog someone named beu

 

Goddamn it I hate it when she serves wine

She digs up the cheapest s**t every time

I think their's bug spray mixed up in mine

She's trying to kill me well aint that just fine

 

Jesus Christ what did she put in this

It Tastes like Pregnant Rhino piss

She's crazy if she thinks I'm eating this

and then I can hear you starting to hiss

 

It's my favorite 3rd cousin the family s**t

So that's what just crawled up your butt

You know she's the first girl I ever fucked

Shouldn't have told you that now I'm stuck

 

She batted her eyes and said Hi Ricochet

and I thought you might just kill me today

Glaring at me like you could shoot death rays

this is the south baby we do things that way

 

So then the old man gets all liquored up

and drops his false teeth into your cup

Then falls face first into maple syrup

Then I see you slowly start to get up

 

You say we are out of here right the f**k now

    If you forgot the way I'll show you how

Say all your goodbyes and take your last bow

Seeing your w***e cousin is more than allowed

 

So we went back to our humble little life

Me the good husband you the good wife

But every year we go through the strife

Of the family reunion with southern fried life

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

Just playin around. Ya know what I mean?

Reviews

[Samuel Dickens]

Pretty wild stuff, but I'll bet there's a few kernals of truth to it. (I may not be able to get that camel toe out of my mind)

[Sirius King]

i literally "Laughed Out Loud "

Hilarius Write Man! lol

[Ars Goetia Poetry]

Lmfao, this is too funny. I grew up in a small Essex village with about 40 houses and a pub, nothing else...I can relate lol

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you so much for reading my work Goetia.

[Ars Goetia Poetry]

You're welcome mate. It's Mr Dunne btw, this is a project I recently completed :)

[Kaylor Mason]

You think southerners are bad, try my family, most all of them Chicago natives and strict yankees . . . northern rednecks are not nearly as refined as southern ones

[Baby Ricochet]

HA! I've never been to Chicago but I am familiar with Guidos. The Red Necks of New Jersey.

[Ruth]

lol This is entertaining and so close to the bone...
What a nightmare, still, we should be thankful huh?
But man, this made me smile xoxo

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you for reading my work poppy silver

[Ruth]

Most welcome xo

[Tattered Teddy]

Hilarious and very addictive read. My family does not speak to me. Not sure if I am jealous or thankful of that fact after reading this ... haha!

[Baby Ricochet]

So sorry for your family distaning you. THank you for reading my work tattered teddy

[Annabelle Lee]

oh man.... you truly outdid yourself with this one, man. I almost died laughing and I neded that........ way to write

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you for reading my work annabelle lee

[Pax]

oh...entertainingly fun read!.... your humor never fades...great Job!

[Baby Ricochet]

thanx for reading willyam

[Corset]

rotflmbao, oh that is so funny! I just had to endure one of these myself, not quite as dysfunctional, but still forced upon me. I chuckled through the entire write, loved it!

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you for reding my work MS Scarlet

[Corset]

my pleasure baby R.

[RachelReaper]

My family... ugh! Can't even say a word, other than maybe crazy... I giggled when you said, "Stop faking an aneurism you little retard." I just thought I'd share that, I thought that was funny... this review I'm giving seems awkward! o_O

[Baby Ricochet]

Thanx for reading Rachel

[RachelReaper]

yay!