Smart Phone?

A poem about my new smart phone

I bought a new smart phone it made me feel dumb

      It took me three hours to call up someone

 

       12 different call plans 10000 new apps

            I've been caught in a cellular trap

 

      I got so confused I needed expert advice

   Call in the phone wizard he'll make it all right

 

   So I called in my expert and I'm a wiz at it now

  My eight year old nephew he showed me how

 

I love all the new gizmos but I don't understand

Why they're obsolete when they land in my hand

 

Pages of contracts fine print I can't fathom

I think they want my bank account for ransom

 

Do I really need a phone that can do a CAT scan

Raise up the dead and make a stock option plan

 

Fire lazer cannons at flesh eating vampires

Tell me what disease will kill me before I retire

 

Jesus Christ man it's just a goddamn phone

I text to my friends when I'm feeling alone

 

Call people up get paged by my work

I don't need to have the latest app perk

 

One thing it does I think is all right

When I'm at work in the middle of the night

 

When I'm done cleaning and setting surgical fixtures

I can use my smart phone to look at girlie pictures

 

 

Author's Note

I've been to dark and heavy lately. Thought it was time to write something funny

Reviews

[Crazy Cat Man]

Awwww ahhaahhahaa this is pretty funny. i hate the frustrations of the smart phone :)

[Baby Ricochet]

thanx

[Heather]

very funny, I can relate to your frustrations and can't live without my smart phone.

[Baby Ricochet]

thanx

[Tai Ryens]

Reminds me of what my teacher told us during a discussion of technology: we're no better than cavemen using phones that we have no idea how it works, whereas cavemen didn't know how rocks and sticks made fire. Humorous, and I enjoyed.

[Baby Ricochet]

good analogy!

[afra]

hahah i love my smart phone ....but i like this write ...well done

[Baby Ricochet]

thanx

[Shimmerbliss/CAF]

About the time I figure out all the workings of the gadgets I have, there is a new upgrade...hence, I have some old stuff that I think works grandly! Happiness is an old phone. ;)

[Baby Ricochet]

for sure. THanx

[Marie]

Now a really smart phone would BRING you a girl...

[Baby Ricochet]

That would be an app I'd buy

[Michael G.]

I have a phone... still has a flip top to open. It may ring once or twice a week. I was actually cheaper for me to have it because when you have five phones in a plan, it's cheaper than if you only have four. In other words, I got mine by default. And it's time to upgrade. Geez.... why?
Oh, I forgot... this was good and I enjoyed reading it. (You can't stay dark and heavy forever, can you?)

[Baby Ricochet]

HA! THanx

[KAOlmsted]

The funniest thing about this poem is at the EXACT moment I finished reading it, Rush Limbaugh started talking about the iphone 5!!!

Okay. That wasn't the funniest thing, but it was pretty f*****g funny.

I love this because we talk about this all the time within my walls. We have a friend who never answers his phone because we honestly don't believe he knows how. He looks at it when it rings, gets this deer-in-the-headlights look in his eyes, then spends a few moments fooling and farting around with it before finally calling the person back.

I talk on my phone. Every now and then I get a text. An app is something I eat before the main course.

Really good write.

[Baby Ricochet]

Mine plays periodic little japanese sounding bamboo xylophone tunes. I've no idea why. Maybe the Japanese are subtlely trying to get us back for that whole neuclear attack thing by marketing complex phones you either need a PHD in computer science or be 8 years old to understand

[KAOlmsted]

Thank God I have an 8 year old...oh, not because I am ever going to buy an iphone...just...because *smile*

Meanwhile, that would certainly teach us, wouldn't it. *shakes fist at the Japanese* No wonder their educational system is so much better than ours *laugh*

[nigrum homonculus]

Ah i know this feeling all too well.
Only app i have on my phone is angry birds an took me hours to download.
Anyway good write man.

[Baby Ricochet]

thanx

[Baby Ricochet]

I've seen that angry bird app before. Not sure where.

[That_Girl]

I have an iPhone4 that I was super psyched to get and I probably use about 5% of it's true capabilities. Which means I'll of course get the iPhone5 when it's time to update so that I can use 2% of it's capabilities. Yay me.

Funny poem. :)

[Baby Ricochet]

HA! Thanx