Lady what's wrong with your kid

Didn't spend much time on this and the rhymes are a little hokey. I wrote it after spending the day with a friend's funny, but difficult child. The author's notes are the real story behind the poem

Lady what's wrong with your kid

Why did you let him do what he did

You know that little wiener aint right

His little head's just wound to tight

 

Asked a gazzilion questions before

He's gonna ask 50 Gazzilion more

and not remember a single thing that's said

He's almost ten and he still wets his bed

 

Lady what's wrong with your kid

Why is he always blowing his lid

You let a nine year old shoot off his trap

maybe that mouth needs a good firm slap

 

Maybe if you taught him some disipline

He wouldn't be such an evil little munchkin

It worked wonders for me in the past

Maybe a drill instructor should be kicking his a*s

 

Lady what's wrong with your kid

He's a screaming stark raving ID

Look what he's doing in a public place

Aren't you embarrassed by this disgrace

 

So what do you want me to do with him

I'm sure as s**t not catering to his every whim

& if he asks what's a MILF this is what I'll do

I'll not say a word and just point to you

 

 

Author's Note

ID: Freudian model of the subconcsious where unacceptable behavior is repressed
MILF: Mom I'd Like To Fuck
True story: I took a friend of a friend's kid to bush gardens a few days ago cause I was the only grownup of the group that would go on rollercoasters with him. The kid had a HX of behavior problems and after a while his barrage of questions got annoying so I told him I had tourettes syndrome and spontainiously blurted crazy shit out all day long just to mess with him. He thought it was funny and it was better than getting pissed off at him like most growups do. He was kinda shy around girls so naturally I kept trying to get him to talk to girls all day long.This would be girls Baby Ricochet would be interested in, hot 20 somethings. so I was using him as an excuse to run game on hotties. I know that sounds terrible but by the end of the day he was getting into it which means he was getting over his shyness. His mother would teach him how to be gentle and non threatening around girls.That's not what I was teaching him at all. I was teaching him to talk shit and keep a conversation rolling. I thought it was Hilarious. When I told the story at the dinner party for the grownups that night everyone thought it was a riot, except his mother. She gave me an Earfull. That's OK. She's not the first woman I've enraged and she's not going to be the last. She was visiting from out of town and I didn't know her that well. I wasn't interested in her or she in me. I just threw the MILF part in for yucks. The most interesting thing about it all was the kid obviously thought I was the shit. Mostly I think cause he has no strong masculine role models in his life. (Divorced parents with uninterested father) & while I don't think I'm the best of influences (I taught him how to make a flame thrower with a lighter and roach spray. He thought it was the coolest thing he ever saw in his life. That's why I picked that photo) boys need a masculine influence in their lives to teach them crazy masculine crap their mothers or "civilized men" aren't going to teach them. Boys love shit like that. Boys and men enjoy doing crazy shit. 12 years in the corps man, I know all about crazy masculine behavior

Reviews

[Shimmerbliss/CAF]

This poem and the author's note make me grin. I can just imagine you and he on the roller coasters and living what was probably one of the best days of his life. I hope you did include some warnings with some of that stuff, but I can't help but think he'd never seen anything like ya. ;)

[Baby Ricochet]

thanx

[MindCage]

this is adorable and reminds me of my brother and I'm sort of scared to see how his little boy will go up to be like but trust me I wont let his mouth of to me or any one else when I'm around. but thats not till he's like 8. But thanks for sharing this with us its like i said-ADORALE!

[Baby Ricochet]

thanx

[L. Edward Neale]

Ha ha classic. Sounds like you both had a riot. Thats probably the most normal the kid has felt in his life.

Quote: growing old mandatory; GROWING UP DEFINITELY OPTIONAL!
Bill Hicks.

[Baby Ricochet]

thanx

[John Phoenix Hutchinson..]

Two for the price of one. Good poem and great back ground story.

[Baby Ricochet]

thanx

[lee von cleef]

Don't give directions to all our fishing holes.

[Baby Ricochet]

thanx

[Freedom's Child]

Great piece, even better is the story behind it, Nice job.

[Baby Ricochet]

thanx. Yeah, I really did piss her off but the kid had a great time. What can I tells ya. I'm everyone's crazy uncle

[Marie]

If I'd had a son I don't think I'd want you a permanent role model.

Maybe as a visitor every three or four months...

[Baby Ricochet]

HA! Marie I have to agree.

[Kaylor Mason]

That is so very true! [In reply to your story in the author's note] Boys DO need a crazy, masculine wild and war-like man to be their role models and father figures. This world needs far more men and women who are "Aries" on the zodiac. (I am an aries, and I'm amazed how closely my personality matches it) I ask you, what young boy would not want to be raised by John Wayne or Clint Eastwood or Harrison Ford or--in my case--Chuck Norris?

[Kaylor Mason]

Civilized society is the rot of mankind

[Baby Ricochet]

HA! Thanx

[Pax]

great sharing of experience my friend. I like your point of view.
i enjoyed the witty poem and its really fun to read.

[Baby Ricochet]

thanx. He was actually a fun kid, Difficult but fun

[Shelley Holt-Lowrey]

Oh! Was that my kid screaming? Sorry I ummm - yeah I didn't hear him.

Thing about becoming a parent that is supposed to be a BIG SECRET... when the kid hits around 18 months, you get to have this cool little "tune out" button installed for free. It's paid for in the hospital delivery charges or something. It is totally awesome. When your kid's voice hits a certain pitch, it turns on automatically and you don't hear the wining at all. But if you don't have one.. holy crap is that stuff hard to take! Love your point of view. You don't have kids I'm guessing. Not taking you to task at all. Just laughing at a totally relocatable exchange. You speak what others only think... and are afraid to admit.

[Baby Ricochet]

No I don't have any kids. We were planning to but my wife left. Not all her fault. I didn't realize how much fun I had with him until I wrote the Author's note. I"ve a lot of mischevious child in me and he came out that day.

[Shelley Holt-Lowrey]

Glad you did. Kids are fun - mostly. When they aren't tired or hungry or four or thirteen or hormonal or smell funny or want money or.... need I go on?