Where no one can See

In the dark

So black I can't see

My feet

Slapping the pavement

Laced up

In lime green sneakers


Running

Through the pain

The defeat

The exhaustion


Grabbing

For a button

Hard to find

In the bushes

That will save me

And bring me back

From the place where no one can see

Author's Note

This is kind of related to the poem "Dark" and its sequel "Chase". However, I feel like this is different somehow. This is slightly based off of the Kingdom Keepers but I think this also holds answers for anyone who truly reads between the lines. Please leave a review.

XXX 12/31/12

Reviews

[Dan Kim]

For me, this was a poem that spoke about the exhausting struggle to get out of a certain stressful situation, a race that has no finish in sight...
So often we seek to find a holy grail that will ease our troubles, carry our burdens when we are weary. This is entirely relatable and a situation which I believe is universal.

Glad I read this one.

[Phillitup]

Thank you very much!

[Khloevhr]

When I feel defeated, I change my game....yes I may try to tell my "coach" ask for a flag to be thrown on the field for the unfair doings of others or to check myself for my misdoings... I love this piece welldone... I know ppl can't see inside my head or hear me truly hear me... I don't want them to just listen but sometimes they need to know I am crying loudly or even as it may be in other instances have pressured speech which is due to mania...that is when I talk very much and it is quite rapid with flight of thoughts...Well done... I like this... I love this piece. Sometimes I want pple to use common sense and their "senses". Very much relatable

[Phillitup]

Thank you VERY much!

[floralhorror]

Running
Through the pain
The defeat
The exhaustion

It's like the poem itself is telling you that you can get through the pain, you just need to try. Wonderful and inspiring.

[Phillitup]

Thanks!

[RachelReaper]

an interesting metaphor, its cool how you gave it kind of a meaning of representing something else, but something you could find your own meaning in.

[Phillitup]

Thank you very much for the kind review!

[RachelReaper]

your welcome!

[AK]

Wow! This poem is amazing.
I like the way each line is short, yet very gripping. It tells us a tale much longer than its words:)
Keep writing!

[Phillitup]

Thank you!

[AK]

:) anytime!

[Nobody Now]

Love the parataxis style lines here.
They words build and crash together. Very natural rhythm.
Imagery is good. Not a bad word selection either.
I especially love the middle stanza here.

Between your first and currently last post here, I look forward to reading much more of your work.

[Phillitup]

Thank you very much!

[.]

~ i don't have reviewing skills... but i can tell you how i felt as i read this piece... "so black" took me right to the place without light... there's an innocence in that description that i appreciate... "slapping the pavement" and the details of the sneakers made me smile... i could sense a little boy heart in those lines... the next four lines told me that the little boy heart has seen pain and is trying to overcome obstacles... the next two lines told me we're talking about circa 2012... (because of the use of the word "button")... the last four lines told me that this poem is actually an extended metaphor...meaning it's an allegory and can be applied to various situations and to life itself... so, i went right back to the first line and read this poem again and liked it more than i did the first time i read it...

[Phillitup]

Thank you! I think the best type of review brings you alongside your reader as they read. Then you can see the opinions of the people. Thanks for the review!

[.]

~ oh, great...i am a reader so i'm glad i was able to share with you what i saw... ~ and, you're very welcome... i just read "Dark" and "Chase" too... and i tried to let you know what i loved most about those posts as well... :)

[Khloevhr]

I think pushing the button was a great desciption for taking action...sometimes we are hesitant to do what we need to do to be happy or safe... I needed to do it. Thank you both...Thank you for writing it and this refiew was great as well. Well done! :) Best of luck! :)

[scripted]

for some odd reason i can see you as an adult directing childrens movies dont ask me why you just have that talent and spark within...anyway nice write!!! yours truely Danielle

[Phillitup]

Thank you

[Savior of Time]

This. Is. Amazing. The end! No, im kidding. i laughed when i read about the shoes. and i thought you HID the button so we wouldnt have to look for it. :P

[Phillitup]

Of course you laughed! :)P Actually Finn hides the button, not me. Remember, I don't have night vision Willa!

[Savior of Time]

So? he tells us! well, me, at least. i hope. right?

[Phillitup]

idk...he usually holds it up, lets us see it, puts it in the spot slowly

[Savior of Time]

then you should have known where it was

[Phillitup]

Can I see in the dark? NO!

[Savior of Time]

So? its called feeling around! Besides, its called night vision goggles, Mr. Science.

[Phillitup]

Yes because everyone just has night vision goggles in their back pocket!

[Savior of Time]

i have an airsoft gun in my back pocket

[Phillitup]

I won't ask. But do you have night vision goggles?

[Savior of Time]

im getting some soon, i hope