I thought of this poem and started writing. I think it's my longest poem on this website but I'm not sure. Anyhow, I hope you like it and enjoy reading it. I would appreciate comments and reviews.
Best regards,
Dell
My Review
Would you like to review this Poem? Login | Register
(is your heart like glass, fragile,
that is broken by hate
so that it shatters)
you really hit on my nerve with this, i know every word of what you mean, i've been through this and believe me it sucks.
great write, i love yournew way with rhyming, well done!
This was a good poem that's very emotional. The only thing that I would suggest is that the first stanza "like a droplet of everlasting water, on an infinitive lake, you are see through" didn't make much sense to me. I would suggest changing it to something that would be a little more clear to the reader. I see that people have commented on changing this before. Anyway, nice job :)
Filled with emotions clearly described. The thoughts of the writer are good-natured as he continues to wish for his/ her friend's success despite the adversaries. An honest thought as well. Words such as " droplet of everlasting water "( I hope I have quoted the line properly) and drop of ego adds imagery. You could almost imagine a dancing person who undergoes these feelings.
If you wanted to increase the quality of the work ; try replacing the words pollution and best friend ( try something less modern ).
The poem is a nutshell was a great job! and very emotive.
Wow, this is very emotional... It feels like it has a strong story behind it, and also kind of like the confused or upset emotions centered around this poem have kind of settled... I dunno. :P
Posted 11 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
Is that bad? I need to improve my writing...please tell me!
I just mean, like, it feels like there are strong emotions behind it, but they're kinda calming down.. read moreI just mean, like, it feels like there are strong emotions behind it, but they're kinda calming down.
Sad, emotion-filled piece. I thought you did a great job!
"you are see-through" this line is in your first stanza and for some reason I think transparent would sound better here than see-through. That is strictly my opinion though, so please do not feel the need to change it :)
Posted 11 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
I will definitely consider that change...don't worry. I never feel obliged if I don't like the idea... read moreI will definitely consider that change...don't worry. I never feel obliged if I don't like the idea...:)
Your mood changes quite a bit in this(from kind of scornful and indignant to anguished to hopeful and kind) and it was quite a trip...I fancied it. Very vivid images, nothing seemed to tamper with the rhythm. You're quite talented, Dell. Best of luck to you with your friendship troubles.
Great construction despite taking the scenic route, though actually I think that gave it depth to be fair, hang on I will read again....................., yeah. Best poem entered so far in 'Change the World' comp, in my humble opinion.
Posted 11 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
Thank you so much! I'm happy that people like this poem...I wrote it today and liked it so I posted .. read moreThank you so much! I'm happy that people like this poem...I wrote it today and liked it so I posted it. I guess I wrote this based on a ton of different people in my life...thanks again!
it is a difficult thing to see a friend go through the things you so adequately and eloquently describe. especially when it involves losing that friend to the evils of disconnect and ego. a solid write. very nicely done.
I am 14-years-old. I find inspiration all over the place: memories, ideas, things I notice. I like believing in things that others find impossible. I think that's the way I hope for a better future. .. more..