Crystal Clear

Crystal Clear

A Poem by Phillitup

like a droplet of everlasting water
floating on an infinitive lake
you are see-through

all of the lies, coming from you
your poor, selfish rumors
so consistent

what have I done to you in life
to make you treat me
like I am not human

for all that you have and will cause
what have I done to deserve
this

like a drop of ego that spreads throughout the soul
making it poisonous and broken
soul of no living things

the evil that was so strong, so terrible
that you would turn
on your best friend

is your heart like glass, fragile,
that is broken by hate
so that it shatters

what was once beautiful and clear
has broken to pieces
because of you

that beauty of a crystal blue lake
is poisoned by pollution
and greed

you would rather live a life alone with lies
then have a true
friend

I want to reach out to you and protect you
for all you've done
I still care

I don't want to see you drown
sinking in the darkness
of evil

or see you harshly slashed
by your own words
and hurt

I want to see you getting better
becoming who you really
are

I want you to be beautiful again
beautiful like a lake that's
crystal clear

© 2012 Phillitup


Author's Note

Phillitup
I thought of this poem and started writing. I think it's my longest poem on this website but I'm not sure. Anyhow, I hope you like it and enjoy reading it. I would appreciate comments and reviews.
Best regards,
Dell

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Featured Review

(is your heart like glass, fragile,
that is broken by hate
so that it shatters)
you really hit on my nerve with this, i know every word of what you mean, i've been through this and believe me it sucks.
great write, i love yournew way with rhyming, well done!

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Phillitup

11 Years Ago

Thank you



Reviews

in the begining i had shivers, very powerful and i loved it

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

nice piece i LOVE it!!!!!

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This was a good poem that's very emotional. The only thing that I would suggest is that the first stanza "like a droplet of everlasting water, on an infinitive lake, you are see through" didn't make much sense to me. I would suggest changing it to something that would be a little more clear to the reader. I see that people have commented on changing this before. Anyway, nice job :)

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Filled with emotions clearly described. The thoughts of the writer are good-natured as he continues to wish for his/ her friend's success despite the adversaries. An honest thought as well. Words such as " droplet of everlasting water "( I hope I have quoted the line properly) and drop of ego adds imagery. You could almost imagine a dancing person who undergoes these feelings.
If you wanted to increase the quality of the work ; try replacing the words pollution and best friend ( try something less modern ).
The poem is a nutshell was a great job! and very emotive.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

nice

Posted 11 Years Ago


Wow, this is very emotional... It feels like it has a strong story behind it, and also kind of like the confused or upset emotions centered around this poem have kind of settled... I dunno. :P

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Admiral Kirk

11 Years Ago

No, it's great. :D
Admiral Kirk

11 Years Ago

I just mean, like, it feels like there are strong emotions behind it, but they're kinda calming down.. read more
Phillitup

11 Years Ago

okay...
Sad, emotion-filled piece. I thought you did a great job!
"you are see-through" this line is in your first stanza and for some reason I think transparent would sound better here than see-through. That is strictly my opinion though, so please do not feel the need to change it :)


Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Phillitup

11 Years Ago

I will definitely consider that change...don't worry. I never feel obliged if I don't like the idea... read more
Your mood changes quite a bit in this(from kind of scornful and indignant to anguished to hopeful and kind) and it was quite a trip...I fancied it. Very vivid images, nothing seemed to tamper with the rhythm. You're quite talented, Dell. Best of luck to you with your friendship troubles.

Adieu!

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Phillitup

11 Years Ago

Thank you kindly...
Falling Leaf.

11 Years Ago

You are very welcome!
Great construction despite taking the scenic route, though actually I think that gave it depth to be fair, hang on I will read again....................., yeah. Best poem entered so far in 'Change the World' comp, in my humble opinion.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Phillitup

11 Years Ago

Thank you so much! I'm happy that people like this poem...I wrote it today and liked it so I posted .. read more
it is a difficult thing to see a friend go through the things you so adequately and eloquently describe. especially when it involves losing that friend to the evils of disconnect and ego. a solid write. very nicely done.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on December 19, 2012
Last Updated on December 19, 2012

Author

Phillitup
Phillitup

FL



About
I am 14-years-old. I find inspiration all over the place: memories, ideas, things I notice. I like believing in things that others find impossible. I think that's the way I hope for a better future. .. more..

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