Chapter Two: Della

I just don't understand what my mom has against me. I try really hard. I do. My mind doesn't give me a control gear. I can't ever focus.

***

I stoop down to pick up a berry from the very bottom of the bush. It looks good, so I pop it into my mouth. The juice seeps in, sweet. It is good, and ripe too. As I fall onto the ground to savor the best moment in years, a bee swoops by my ears. "Whee! Whee! Whee!" What? Did the bee just shout? No. It can't be. Bee's can't talk. It's impossible."Della! Della! Della!" Okay. I must be insane. It just said my name. Swinging my hand, I slap it to the dirt. "Omph!"

"Who...I...what...are...you?"

The bee stands on two legs, brushing off his arms. I shake my head back and forth. This motion causes the bee to blur. Essentially disappear. A sharp pain, like an immunization shot, courses through my leg. I stop shaking my head to scream. The pain moves, rapidly. It seems as if a thousand needles are piercing me as hard as possible. Tears streak down my stinging face. I thunk my head onto the ground, curling up into a tiny ball. And I stay there.

Author's Note

I know this is all over the place.

Reviews

[CreativeStroke]

I agree with the review below in the fact that you need more descriptions about her surroundings. I didn't quite follow where she was or why she was doing the things she was. I guess a few more details will clear this part up for you.
I am curious as to why she felt such pain and stinging. Interested in finding out answers for that!

[Icelanna]

I would use the first two lines as a dairy entry, it appears just to be a burst of release. Doesn't have much relation to the rest of it. I'm guessing the bee stung her, possibly in her leg, but then again her face is stinging also. Very good description of pain and suffering, never be afraid to just develop it however painful.
I like the fact there is a lot of different narrations going on, usually it's very difficult to follow when you have lots of different people telling you the story. If you've read Wuthering Heights, you'll know what I mean...But you've done good in keeping the story tight whilst conveying different points of view. Shows variety.
However, there is no context, where is she, why is she there, is there anyone else around her? You need to set the scene. The activity is there but no reason for her doing it, is she relieving stress by going for a walk, to clear her head and to think?
Nicely pulled off, it's not easy with different narratives though!
And I do love talking animals :P
Love to you x

[Phillitup]

I believe you mean diary entry. The first few lines are basically thoughts that reflect. I apologize if that bothers you...:( You'll have to read more to find out...:)I'm glad you can keep up with it! I think Jesse explains that. Yes, just to get away from everything, though that doesn't really happen. Doesn't everyone?:)P Thanks for reviewing! Your always so helpful!