Prone

Prone
To love
To clumsiness
To loss
To hope
To joy
To grief
To life

No escape

Reviews

[Amandaaa Caroline (:]

Very nice write Dell, but I also agree with Icelanna.. Maybe you could add some commas, give it a bit of a rhyme scheme to help the flow of this piece? It's very pretty and simplistic, which is fine. You don't need to change it at all, they're only suggestions (:

[Salar Majak]

i like it, it means alot, although from the first minute you don't get th complete feeling,great job, enjoyed thoroughly

[Green]

Ahhh humans, the inescapable reality in which we live and here you have captured it perfectly.

[Falling Leaf.]

I'm going to be honest, Dell, most thirteen year olds that I encounter on here I cannot be friends with for long because they are so terribly immature. You, on the other hand, are so sophisticated and thougtful in your writing that I'm envious every time I read it!

This piece is frank and to the point, and entirely relatable. I enjoy the last line especially. Fantastically written.

[Phillitup]

Thank you very much. Believe me, most of the kids at my school are immature. I'm glad that this piece was relatable, that was my overall goal for it, I'm glad it worked. I have been commented before on someone liking the last line. Apparently it's interesting...:) Thanks for the review!
Best regards,
Dell

[Falling Leaf.]

It just really sums up the entire thing well :)

[s y e]

I like the word 'To' is repeated. It is very effective.
Its short but has alot of emotion. Its touching!
Amazing.

[Phillitup]

Thanks a million!

[s y e]

No problem! Anytime! :)

[scripted]

very short... but it was a very good piece... nice job

[David Scott]

Good use of word play...

[quinfinn]

you are also prone to writing very nice poetry. i love the blatant simplicity of this. it is very real and very human.

[Phillitup]

Thanks...:)

[Icelanna]

I like this, it has potential. Although at a glance it is just a list, when you mention one of the listed emotions etc I would include another line to emphasize it, possible rhyme to it, maybe not the scheme is up to you. Have a play around with it, it's very brief. Also some comma's would create pauses, instead of it being on long list. Prone, To love, gives a much more breathless/needed quality to it, it adds emotion and gives depth. It would be much more enriching. I do like it though, the "no escape" I like. Very dramatic. :]
Hope this helps.
Love to you x

[Phillitup]

Thank you for your suggestions!