INSIDE

my feelings are a mixed

  January 16, 2016

As the months continue, the pain digs in harder and deeper then ever.
I know I mistreated what we had, I took it for granted, I was selfish.
We had become so different, we were ruining each other, we were killing
each other. But there was nobody I loved more then you.
You broke me, Who knew a person can get so close to another soul. I
burned our bridge, because I never knew what I wanted. I just didn't want
to be trapped. I was afraid. Terrified. I just didn't want to get hurt.
I know I broke you. Sorry, isn't even the right word anymore.
I wonder if you ever replay the last words we said to each other before we
broke it off. They were cruel, it was noticeable that the love was no longer there. The sparkles flew away. I still miss you. Terribly.
Do you ever think about what we could have been? How far we might have made it?
Would our differences still have ruin us? It hurts me, when someone brings you up or a little sign that reminds me of you comes up. I hate that I want you at times.
You stopped caring, so its useless to feel what I feel. You no longer need me, think of me, or speak to me. If you wanted to be here, you would be here.
But this time it's different again. We really reached our end. We ripped each others hearts out. I don't want to see the end of this. We just aren't right for each other. But it was all pure. We didn't need physical contact to be connected, that's what I loved about us. We were connected, emotionally, and that's why there is more pain. Its like the Beautiful and Damned. It grew into the most beautiful creation but it wasn't properly cared for that's why it ended up dying, but in the most slowest way, so the creators can feel the magic that was once there but no longer is. We grew apart. We weren't kids anymore, it was time to start planning for the new beginnings coming up. We just got stuck in the middle of planning other things and forgot to make room for one another.
I still can't seem to tell you that I miss you. You've probably continued your life and the last thing I want is to intertwine with it, and mess you up. I should stop reminiscing but I was told its best to release it because its the part of moving on. Yet, they didn't bother to mention that it would hurt a lot. Not once did I mention your name yet my heart thumped as if you were here standing in front of me. You were the best chapter in my life, no matter what we went through, I don't regret meeting you.
                 L.d