This

And where do we go now from here?

Cause I’m not so sure that this,

Was what I wanted. I looked up, and

There was nothing but a barren sky.

Not a single star glowed in the distance,

Nor did the moon give me welcoming light

As it always had. But it’s darkness, never

Ending, welcomed me. And suddenly I

Felt myself falling. Falling deeper and

Deeper until I didn’t know where I was.

All I knew was the obvious. I was alone.

 

And for the first time, in a very long time,

Sleep overcame me, and hard as I tried

To fight it, it came fast and easy. And in it,

There wasn’t a hint of sadness. So I wonder �"

Why can’t I have that? Not the slightest bit

Of sadness. Isn’t it I who wanted this?

My selfishness overcame everything and

Now nothing’s the same. But maybe this

Was needed for now. And the day will come,

When I am able to see you again and know

Exactly how I feel. And when I woke from

That sleep, I’d hoped for something,

Anything, to tell me it was okay.

 

 And now, I look to the sky, and both,

 The sun and moon, are up sharing the sky

With its fiery and calming colors lighting the

Part of the world I find myself in. And the moon,

 As big and beautiful as ever, granted me strength

For the day, for I did not need it at night.

I needed it now. To face the day. Because night,

Is meant for all things hidden in the day, to come alive.

And no one can see or will ever know.

 

And then, it catches my eye.

Nothing big, or even all that noticeable.

But I see it. A bird soaring in the sky.

It’s dark, and a bit standoffish. And alone.

But it’s beautiful. And strong. And still going.

Author's Note

tell me what you think

Reviews

[Night]

...I penned that question just the other day to a friend..."And where do we go from here"...I liked this...you'll get better as you write...thanks for posting this...I so feel this one...Night.:)

[marie]

this is pretty good, could use some polishing, sounds like you didn't really have to try to get this to come out which i applaud. great write can't wait to read the rest of your work

[Caitlin Lea]

I think this poem has a lot of merit. It is very contemplative, and the language does create images in my mind.

I think my one "complaint" would be that the lines are a bit wordy. It might do you better service to cut out a lot of the unnecessary words. For example, first line:

"And where do we go now from here?"

"And" is likely not needed. If you want to create the feeling of continuing something that has already been started, or even if you want it to feel abrupt, that makes some sense. The word "now" is also probably not that important to the overall feeling of the line. It already feels pretty immediate without saying the word "now." Just a couple of suggestions. You can easily make these types of changes throughout the poem.

I do like how you've used caesura so well throughout. It is really good to vary lengths and rhythms. Quite a good effort here. :)