Three Little Words - I Love You

 

Three Little Words

 

I Love You

 

Near to the door
he paused to stand
as he took his class ring
off her hand
all who were watching
did not speak

as a silent tear
ran down his cheek
and through his mind
the memories ran
of the moments they walked
always hand and hand
but now her eyes were so terribly cold
for he would never again
have her to hold
they watched in silence
as he bent near
and whispered the words..
"I LOVE YOU" in her ear
he touched her face and started to cry
as he put on his ring and wanted to die
and just then the wind began to blow
as they lowered her casket
into the snow....
this is what happens
people can survive
if friends don't let friends....
drink and drive.

Reviews

[devon]

This was sorrowfully beautiful.

I can honestly say that this poem has really touched me and will stay with me forever.

Thank you for writing such beautiful art.

[thoughts of jade]

this is one of the best poems i have read here in writers cafe. when i saw the title i thought that it would just be another typical love poem.. but I was wrong. this poem is really great.

[nourrrx3]

this is a REALLY good poem. I love how all of these words and emotions describe a short moment but again a long one.

[A U R i]

THiS POEM iS REALLy G00D!
iT REAlly EXPRESSES iTSElF
GREAtt J0B!


AURi

I certainly think you have useed those three little words in a way that is unexpected. Its very sad that those ideas ever have to come together. Very thought provoking!

[DiANA]

I love ur poem. its really emotional and it gets the message through real clear. i like how it kept me interested and made me wanna keep reading. awesome job!!!

[justink :):)]

it was realy good i like it,it has a very good flow.........................



justintime

[RADHICA]

this is really good ... i like it alot it as a really good flow.. great job!!

[Fra/c/ture]

dude, this is really good.

just a couple of things to maybe play with to maximize the power of its delivery...

1. at first i liked the asterisks before and after each line, but then toward the end of the poem i got tired of them. did you use them for a reason? im not totally sold on them, but if you are then keep them.

2. and ran in the sand hand and hand*: this line gets a little tough with the internal "and" rhyme going in ran, sand, hand, hand...i would think about playing with this line a bit to keep it in tune with the rest of the poem.

3. *this is what happens*
*to man alive.....*
i'm not totally sure what this means, especially the man alive part. did you mean something like "this is what happens to men left alive?" i wasnt sure, but i think you might want to do something with that.

thats all i see. this is a really good piece. its rhyming, which i usually dont like, but in this case i think it works. i especially like that the three words doubles as either "i love you" or "drink and drive"... im not sure if you noticed that, but it does...

nice work.