naaaaa, couldn’t be global warming

as state after state begins to boil &

the people of this country begin to sweat,

swelter & roast

under these oppressive heat waves, the

National Weather Service

issues excessive heat advisories

like it was “handing out speeding tickets at

the Indy 500”

because the temperatures there have grown

to highs of 110 F or higher &

this has become the norm for more than a

third of the country’s people just in June

alone---

today, the Ohio Valley is thrown on the

grill &

if ya take a five second gander at the map of

the states for July 4^th on the NWS website,

you’ve got plenty of “Special Marine Warnings,”

warnings concerning high winds, flash floods,

gales, lake winds, extreme fires & RED FLAG
WARNINGS (unique marked areas that are soon

to exhibit, or are already exhibiting “gusty

southerly winds, widespread relative humidities”

that will “create severe fire weather conditions

with the potential for explosive fire growth” ).

 

um, yeah…

but we all know that these extreme weather conditions

have absolutely nothing to do with

global warming, right?

 

naaaaa, couldn’t be global warming.

 

so what,

if the increasing number of heat waves have

resulted in the creation of overwhelming high

temperature records for the month of June---

we all know,

it couldn’t be global warming

&

so what,

if the Summer produces more droughts, wildfires,

spasmodic downpours & more catastrophic storms,

we all know,

it couldn’t be global warming---

because,

“the jury is still out!”

&

“there is no conclusive evidence great enough to

say that global warming directly causes any of

this!”

&

“Al Gore’s movie should be banned from the

classrooms!!”---

so take your skin cancered self &

cool down in your bunker,

making sure to pack a snorkel just in case

the thing isn’t airtight &

blame all the things that are happening on

“god’s wrath!” in hopes that come

December 21^st, 2012,

the world will come to an end anyway,

so that you won’t have to deal with this,

america---

because none of it has

anything

to do with

global warming---

that is for

sure.