panic stricken

when a friend that you consider to be closer to you than a blood relative

leaves your general area of comfort

it can

split you in

two---

if at the right time in your life

(when the whole world seems like it is caving in on

what you have left)

everything

begins

to break apart &

your dear friend,

seeking their own peace & happiness in their own life,

moves away from your comfort zone,

so that the literal distance couples with the

actual emotional distance,

with trembling hands reaching out,

age can claw at your eyes

tearing your face in half

because

you cannot stand in their way

but then you cannot bear to see them go &

no paper bag will help with the breathing

no pills can soothe the

hurt that comes from pure, unadulterated,

selfishness---

biting nails

peeling blood from the bone

biting the bone &

bleeding to death in your

apartment…

with flickering eyes of near death

you realize just how dependent you were on another &

how much it took from you to

care.