pertinent

a sincere death wish

percolates in the early morning,

from where it rises &

how long it will last,

there is no center, there’s no

way of identifying a source---

like a brand new cancer that has been

personalized to

one,

it lies behind the eyes,

it rises when called upon &

it quiets to the subtle slumber

required in those rare moments

when sleep allows for a sense of

peace.

 

it wanders in the dreams

creating nightmares that might

twitch others awake,

but because the routine has become

routine,

the moments spent sweating

when the sun comes out,

shock no more than an accidental

bump

when passing round the corner of a

desk

&

it follows in the daylight

like a stalking murderer

waiting for that perfect moment to

strike,

revealing a shadow on the walk

that only s/he with the death wish

can see.

 

and one can’t speak about it,

without setting off the flares,

without worrying others, without

gradually pulling down all those around

who might be

observing the

descent---

so as long as the wish stays conscious,

so does the ability to stave off the

want to

satisfy the urge.