when an artist gets healthy

there are those that think they have a

one-on-one relationship

with the faces on their screens,

they draw conclusions from looks that

they give the camera & things that

are said in fleeting interviews---

these individuals secretly want to be

on the other side of the screen,

standing in front of the mic &

not behind &

when they get a bit too engrossed in their

delusions,

they start to speak about

performers as if

they knew them, as if they knew what it

was like to live a lifestyle, as if they

had an idea as to what it was like to

devote all the energy &

torment to the art &

to swim in it,

to walk in the fire---

with all the habits,

with all the self-destruction that comes,

with all the rage,

with all the attempts at

obliteration, with the great great

egos, with the narcissism that

chews away the structure of the

body, with the reflection in the stream

just begging you to

drown

down

dead &

these people praise

all their lil’ fictional characters

when their favorite performers

hang up the drugs,

they close their squinted eyes &

hail the images of the characters from

their lil’ fictional books,

when they feel that their favorite rockstars

are “healthy” now,

because, quite frankly,

they have become mundane, spent &

useless.

 

i want my favorite artists bleeding,

i don’t know about you---

i don’t give a f**k if they get happy,

if they find the “one” &

they pop out a few rugrats,

move up to the goddamned country &

place their guitars, their paints,

their PC, electronic boards, etc.

all up on the shelf so they can

waddle round

for a restful walk in the grass---

their art always begins to suck

once they start to bathe in their

wealth &

they always start to bloat out & get

fat,

once they replace the drugs with

“love”---

how easy it is to forget the terrors

that you began to speak out against,

how easy it is to lose grasp of that impetus

that made you scream in front of a

mic in the first place,

when no one questions anything you do

anymore &

the red carpet gets rolled out

even if you are just going to take a

s**t.