September 2017

Life is very hard

I don’t mean to complain because people have it worse but really, life is hard.

This year my oldest brother, John, got hit by a car and was left on the street to die. It was a hit and run. I was out the night this happened. I was with my friend Cindi, her sister, and Franklin. My parents were out of town and so were Cindi’s parents. We decided to smoke and so we did. It was around 12 when John called me asking for food but I denied it to him because I didn’t want to go home just yet, and I didn’t want to spend money on food.

We ended smoking where we usually smoke which is on Salem Ave, by school #26.

After we were done smoking Cindi was going to go chill with this guy named Nathan. Since it was her car we were in we got dropped off at my house. As we get to North Broad street we see a lot of ambulance and police crowded by the fire hydrant. I was high so I got paranoid and didn’t even want to bother to go see what happened. Franklin insisted we went to see what happened, but it was late, 3 am. I didn’t want to risk getting asked by the police what the hell we were doing out so late. I went home that night, so did Kim and Franklin. We chilled for a bit and Kimberly ended up sleeping over since Cindi slept in Nathan’s house.

I went to bed that night not even wondering if both my brothers were home.

I had work early in the morning, but before I knew it I was woken up by my middle brother Michael.

Once I heard the words “John got hit by a car” I felt my body go cold. I didn’t want to hear anything else. I immediately woke up Kim and told her to get ready because I had to leave and I didn’t want her to stay at my house by herself. Cindi picked her up and I left with my cousin Alba to Trinitas hospital.

When I got there, they told me he had already been transferred to University hospital because he was in critical conditions and Trinitas didn’t have the equipment to help him. I cried so much, I couldn’t believe this was really happening. Just the night before I was at Apple Bee’s with my brother Michael and my friends laughing and having a great time.

All I could think as I waited to hear my name was “it’s my fault”. How stupid was I to deny my brother food? Why would I leave, why wasn’t I there to protect him? What did he feel? Is he going to die?

I could’ve prevented the whole thing. Just maybe if I didn’t get high that night I could’ve been with my brother. I would’ve never been able to forgive myself if I lost him that night.

When they finally let me in to go see him, tears immediately came down. He had bruises and cuts on the face but they weren’t bad. I was expecting to see something I wouldn’t be able to handle but thank God, he’s alive.

As the days went on he woke up, but he wouldn’t speak. He remembered everything and everyone besides the accident. I was glad my brother was alive. I’m glad he is alive.

John became addicted to Perc’s, Xanax and I don’t know what else. They have been f*****g him up bad. I thought when he came out the hospital he would be a changed man, maybe this was a sign from God showing him that pills aren’t the wave, that they are no good but I was wrong. He kept taking them.

I reached out to his ex-girlfriend, Emma just because I deeply think he still loves her although he says he doesn’t. not being sure of what she would say or do, she pulled through and came to visit him. They would talk and I had a little bit of hope that maybe she could help him recover faster but unfortunately, I was wrong. A couple days after he came out they got into an argument and once again stopped talking to each other.

John has been on and off trying to stop this addiction. He’s been seeking help but the process is too much, I can tell one day he really wants help and others he just doesn’t care. I wish I could make him see that there is much more to life than to be a gangster and a drug user.

Right now, he’s been sober for 2 weeks now about to be 3 and I am very happy and proud. I love my brother John even though since 2016 we barely would talk.

We talk a lot now, like the old times and I love it.

We are going to go see Famous Dexter, Jay Critch and Rich the kid January 20^th, my gift to him because I really want my brothers to be happy, they deserve the world and more!

 

Reviews

[Delmar Cooper]

Well written, but why not narrow your focus and make it a short story that hones in on two characters, say the narrator and the brother, and one incident, say the accident?

[Unspoken poet]

Life is hard, but we must live it the best way we know how. Very emotional write, nice detail and imagery.