Old Woman

Cracked walls darkening an already lonely existence

Black and white finds the forgotten


Downward gazing blankly, but envisioning things past

Memories of life lived bend a frown over cracked lips


Sweater sleeves cover shaking hands spotted with age

A thin weak arm cradles a figure unmoving


Smaller and smooth, mouth fashioned for smiling

Bright painted eyes stare up at a world unthinkable


Leftover love from a bygone childhood

Minute consolation for those grown old


Remember these two, the holding and the held

Sitting in noiseless frame, both swallowed by time

Reviews

[Deborah Shepard]

moving beauty delicate well written with intrigue

loved it

[Debbie_Philly]

This was a deep and moving piece... well done and well written !!!

[Adela Muresan]

Remember these two, the holding and the held

Sitting in noiseless frame, both swallowed by time

I belive we are never swallowed by time, because our souls and our love are eternal.

Nice job man , Cheers x 100

A.M.

[Boonrassi]

hiya S..

Cracked walls darkening an already lonely existence

//darken..

Black and white finds the forgotten

//nice..

Downward gazing blankly, but envisioning things past

//sorta.............awkward.

Memories of (life lived) bend a frown over cracked lips

/kinda redundant


Sweater sleeves cover shaking hands spotted with age

//decent

A thin weak arm cradles a figure unmoving

//still figure maybe?
lots of powerful syns for 'unmoving'


Smaller and smooth, mouth fashioned for smiling

//alright

Bright painted eyes stare (up) at a world unthinkable

//not needed.


Minute consolation for those grown old

//good word............minute.

Sitting in noiseless frame, both swallowed by time

//thats ultra cool.. nice. excellent word choice.

well... its ok. word choice could be cranked up a little. no, i dont mean fancy words. just good ones.
thesaurus.com
or
get The Sage.. its free and awesome, i promise promise, you will like it.
we dont have all the good words in our heads.
thanks,
T

[Mountain Dawn]

So beautifully written. So much feeling. I will remember.

[E. M. Murren]

Such a delicate work of beauty. Truly a lovely piece. Thank you for sharing it with us.