Five Years...

Where I wanted to be five years ago is not the place I am in five years later.

Five years ago I thought I'd end up being this completely different person, chasing my dreams and running as fast as the wind. Instead, I find myself end up chained by the world's obligations stuck to my desk at an office which I feel nothing for - just plain indifference. I had my hopes and dreams pinned up all around my head, and vying to receive the attention of my peers I'd never received.

 

Ironically, though I was a quiet, studious girl, I was part of the most social group there was in school. They accepted me but I was mostly ignored in the group. Individually we were quite close - especially one-on-one events, and when our group had only a couple of us in it. What does this have to do with my dreams? Not much. It just left an indelible mark in my head that has stuck on to me even after a decade of the occurrence - to receive the attention I thought I was due; the fifteen minutes of fame I was entitled to.

 

But my original dream involved books. Always. Books always were, and will still be, my passion (tied with family time). Whether it was reading or writing, I wanted to try it, and this field I was a risk-taker with almost no fear of what my peers thought of my habit. Eventually, I grew to be indifferent of people's thoughts on my habit - I didn't care what they thought of me reading children’s books during my teenage years. I also didn't care if they found it strange that I was friendly with our school's librarians, and various book-store owners.

 

This brings me back to where I find myself now - chained to a desk in an organization that's full of loopholes. The icing on the cake? I cannot find time for myself to be with books or write in my journals. Where has all my courage gone? I just hope that five years from now, I don't end up still chained to a desk at another organization with all my dreams crushed.

Author's Note

I'm hopefully back with my writing. But this piece makes me really wonder if I'm actually back.