My Story of Writing

My thoughts of my writing

My incessant fear of not being capable enough to write stories has led to a fear of not writing stories at all! Ironically, I can’t admit to the fact that my poems, as my friends would say, are really good and that I have ‘talent’ in poetry. In dealing with an internal dilemma that has almost certainly convinced me of my incapacity to write stories as freely as I write poems, I have almost altogether stopped writing! This is a completely scary thought, and as a reader and (as I like to believe) a writer, I would prefer not to stray on a dangerous path.

 

Recently my only expressions of written words have been academic essays that have been drafted by me, but edited and re-written by professors who kindly help me! Academic essays are not the same as personal essays as they have no personality attached to them, and are feel like running in water. They are boring and never-ending with no feeling attached to them whatsoever. Poems, essays and stories, on the other hand, are as interesting as detective novels that were crafted in times when people relied on imagination and technology was scary.

 

As a bookworm, I feel novels and fiction books of any genre are placed high on a pedestal that cannot be beaten by even family and friends (though they do come a close second in my opinion), which makes it quite difficult to write stories as well as the ones I read. This fear I’ve placed inside myself plays on my conscience heavily leading to years of regret of not even trying to write stories as the fear of failure discourages me heavily to follow this dream of mine. This has led to jealousy when reading peers’ writing making me question my own abilities and my friendship with them. Only once has this caused betrayal on my part, which has led to a severe punishment that continues to weigh heavily on my mind. Said friendship was permanently broken.

 

Stories transport me to world away from my own, making me forget my own life and taking me on adventures people still dream of. I can build castles in the air with magic, become a spy, or solve murder mysteries right at the comfort of my corner at home, and still feel like I’ve actually been on those adventures! Such are the works of authors who I read and revere, that writing stories that I still dream of deem quite impossible.

 

But these questions still weigh heavily on my mind �" why am I able to sit and form these thought processes on paper at one o’clock in the morning and not feel guilty when I still have a truckload of essays that I have to write? What motivates me to write about personal feelings more easily than write my academic essays, or my stories?

 

I shall leave with one last question �" how will I ever be able to get rid of my ridiculous fear of fear of failure of writing stories and prove successful to myself?

 

With this, I bid you adieu.

Author's Note

Happy New Year!

I start the year of writing with something unique. I hope you liked what my pure internal thoughts are.