Heart break

Heart Break

She was disillusioned; this was her third heart break. Her heart had been broken into fragments. She lay in a pool of tears. She realized, she had had enough, she did not want to let the cupid bite her again. She lay heartbroken, she did not want her sanity reduced to a level where the only factor that laid between her stream of consciousness and reality was a boy. The tears were salty  and warm, they rolled down her cheeks, she wanted to translate her pain on to a piece of paper. However her tears mingled with her skin pores. She had practically lost everything, her hopes, her life, her dreams for a better future. Maybe she had imagined her future to be a glorious dream, she wanted it all, her career, her fame, her money.

She wondered where did it go all wrong, when did she lose control of her life, when did she start living in a dream like setting. How on earth did it all go wrong? Right now, even the softest sounds scared her, even when she woke up, she dreamt of a boy, and slowly it mingled with the sounds of traffic. The people walking on the road created a chaos, the vendors, the people who sold vegetables, the fruit sellers. She had got used  to people abusing her on the street by now, she was indifferent to it all. She had got used to wearing a shield of titanium by now, the insults bounced off. She knew her family cared about her, and she did not want to disappoint them. She heard voices on the road, and sometimes she wondered whether they were hallucinations, she did not want to be scared, but surprisingly she was, just a little bit. Her tears had dried up by now, she did not want to feel anymore, she had almost become numb to the pain. Then one day, she decided she had had enough, she took the boy’s picture and lit it on fire. Then she flushed it down the toilet seat. She did not want to be stuck in a rut. She wanted to move on, then she realized she should be busy doing productive things, that would distract her from all the pain. Sometimes she blamed herself, and sometimes she blamed others for the mess that her life was. It had started with bhang about a couple of months ago. She remembered enjoying a cigarette with her friend, when she had had a very “I feel infinite” moment. She remembered gulping down vodka shots to ease her misery. She knew Time was a s**t, or rather Time was the best healer. She was afraid of a lot of things, she did not want to die alone, she did not want to be a victim of fate, she wanted to fly.

She had aspirations, she wanted to publish a book, she wanted to go for a trip around the world, she wanted to sit down with a cup of coffee under a blanket with someone special. However, she always thought love was a mere cliché, she had suffered so much in her life, that she did not trust anyone any more. She had become so hardened by the realities she had to face, that perhaps she had become immune to love. She knew she had a life to live, and eventually she might have settled down with someone, but she did not know whether she would be able to love someone again.

Then one day, she finally got out of her stupor, she sat upright to see the rays of the sun falling on her eyes, she heard the sound of a robin chirping, she woke up from a long lost dream. She glued all the fragments of her life together and slowly started where she had left off.