The Field

A brief piece about a boy sitting out in the evening air.

    Even though the sun was setting and the wolves on the prairie were howling their lonely calls, Gaul was not to be subdued at what he was doing. The miss-matched, patch-worked brown shadows crawled over him as the wind rasped at the emerald chocolate trees, making them bow, nod, turn in the breeze. The wonderfully fresh sound of the air through the shin-high grass soothed the wolves baying, and it was calm. Silent for a moment, picture postcard, only disturbed by a cricket’s darkness dance song.
   The sun was now peeping curiously over the horizon line, which was flat and green and weeping an orange tint into the magenta canvas like paint with water. Although it was the evening it was still warm and Gaul felt as though he could sit outside until the stars were visible. And he did so, imagining the other galaxies and worlds that he hoped he was staring into. He loved the night-time sky, it was his form of escapism. He felt enveloped in the twilight, as though he could reach out and touch the shimmering lights above. Of course, there it was. That horrible sink back to reality. It almost brought him to tears, he would never see what was out there, would never leave this planet. But on a night like this, for once, Gaul retained his happiness, how could he not? He wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

Author's Note

I would greatly appreciate feedback about this piece, especially the descriptive quality of it.

Reviews

[Plexiglass]

this is a good piece and I honestly enjoyed it. I do wish it was longer though. As it is now it almost seems like a writing exercise. This would be a perfect set up for an adventure story but it's still strong as it is but it just kind of leaves me unfulfilled. The last sentence in the first paragraph is kind of awkward. Besides that good work, I would love to see this turn into a longer piece but right now all it needs is slightly tighter language.

[Kiara]

very descriptive and you used imagery wonderfully : )
overall this was an amazing write
-arabella

[Anna Writes]

good detailed descriptions...you painted the image wonderfully but i agree with W.K.kortas, the emerald chocolate trees kind of don't work together...but overall good write!

[W.k.kortas]

One minor spelling gremlin: "mismatched".

The description is pretty solidly done, by and large. I'm not sure about "emerald chocolate trees"; I see where you want to go with that--green leaves, brown branches--but I don't think that really gets the idea across. The first sentence of the second paragraph is a little heavy with the specific colors; green, orange and magenta in one sentence is a little overkill.

This is a good start to a story; you have put up the scenery pretty nicely; now you need to add some of the nuts and bolts--the whos, whats, wheres, whens and especially the whys.

[nostal]

I LOVED iT. It feels like im actually there sitting next to him. Nice job.