cold, damp dark

story, poem, whatever....just what was in my mind at 2am...

I sat waiting in the cold, damp dark for something that would never show...a love that I thought was mine, I guess Im the fool this time...Had I made this up in my own mind?  Were you just a dream in time, time passed by....the cards, the roses, the notes, all masks to what was really there....nothing at all, just a blank stare....oh that stare....colors of amber and brown, light and dark, tugging at my soul once again....Ill do what you wish, I am yours if you want....forgiveness is for peace? No, just please stay a little longer....let me bathe in the lies that I so desperately want for truth....ill make up our own future in my head....even if just for a little while...my need to believe we really are...really were....like a drug...you had me strung out and aching....wanting more and more.....the closer I get, the farther you are....hey where did you go?? whats this I see, between you and me? cold iron and concrete.....no light, no shadows, no games....your truth escapes me like the smoke and ash of my burning cigarette...not quite gone yet....but so damn close....this cant be, I couldn't ever see....the real you, who was it? Oh how I would have loved to know....I would have loved you if not but a penny in your pocket...I didnt need the flair and the stories, I didnt need the you you wished you were....I loved you....or did i? Who are you? Oh yes...I do not know...will I ever?  Bruised, battered and broken Ive left you....ha....Im the one sitting here with the ashes of my dreams in my hands of a future that would never have been....brusied and battered you say? You can only imagine...my broken heart weeps no more, for there is no more left to weep...you have drained me so...I will go back to my cold damp dark....and pretend to wait for what will never show....its less painful that way.

Author's Note

like a thorn dug deep into my skin...no matter how much I scratch and dig, it just goes deeper...always fleeting...only left with the forever sting in my flesh.