Dear Self

Enjoy.

Dear self,

You never know what to do

You get me spinnin in circles

Till the point I wanna spew

But I'm bouncing from the rebound

With the HTP sound

That you can get off the ground

Of any low down s****y town

Its that kinda skill

That anyone can tame

Though its hard to maintain

And it can corrupt your brain

But don't try to strain

Or cut your veins

Cause you'll be called insane

Even though its just a game

To cut yourself

And see if life reacts

And if you wanna f**k with karma

Go on and stab someone in the back

And see if maybe

That s**t really exists

But my tears are like napalm

To my atomic bomb fists

I'd dig my own grave

Before I'd hand you my leash

I'd eat a s**t on keash

Admit my own defeat

Stand in overwhelming heat

Like the fiery sun

Until you feel my emotion

So you can see what you've done

 

Dear Self,

You've made me something

I'd never become

Now I'd go for the knife

Before I'd go for the gun

But my tears have slowed

And my heartbeat has passed

I don't know how long

This body will last

But "Leavin on a jet plane"

Has my emotions mixed up

And with an ounce more of weed

I think I'll give it all up

But I must be alone

So I can look inside me

And see all the things

No one else can see

Like a heart made of coal

And lungs lined with tar

And a brain that has wandered

A little bit too far

So my lullaby to you

Will be soft

Will be sweet

It'll be everything

You could ever want it to be

 

Dear Self,

I'm stuck in a rut again

Contimplatin suicide

From my immediate

Disappearance of friends

No offense

But you lack a defense

Cause in my sixth sense

Ladies and gents

I'm an insane man

Obsessed with japan

I'd cut you with a katana

If I had one on hand

You don't understand

My souls in that land

The entirety of my existence

Could be gone in a glance

LIKE LANCE

Who just wanted to dance

The masochism tango

Of sado romance

Must be from france

Hyped up on these drugs

I'm goin into a trance

Hurry! Someone take off my pants

Lets go to a place

Without time or space

Where we wont have to baste

Our lives with this emotional paste

Which has no taste

Of which we can define

And it'll all come back to you

If you just give it time

But I'm here to rhyme

And make sure you're fine

And make sure my explicity

Doesn't F*****G cross the line

Oo I drank too much wine

I'll drink anything

Proofed over 79

So "Here's yer sign"

Please don't whine

Your pathetic grumbling

Has got me out of my mind

And into a hole

Dug to the center of the earth

So I like the phoenix

Can begin my rebirth

 

Dear Self,

I'm back to normal again

And theres no bullets in my head

And I don't regret anything I said

But now when I lay in bed

My eyes are glazed over with

With a shade of blood red

I hope I'm dead

Lets see if hells real

Cause if theres really a devil

I'd like to cut him a deal

So I can terrorize

Manipulate and surprise

In a devious disguise

And to all whom it applies

Take my advice

AND DIE

I'm really quite wise

When it come to your stupidity

And your swamp of deception and lies

 

Dear Self,

You're becoming

Something of a disease

And in my many degrees

Of Expertise

My board of trustees

Are no better than processed cheese

So please seize this unease

Of a fallin trapeze

While I squeeze and tease

The honey out of these bees

What no one sees

Is me

Who just longs to be

Japanese

Not Vietnamese

Chinese, Lebonese, or Taiwanese

Just freeze this breeze

Of inconsiderate deeds

Let me read

The nominees

First runner up

Is my dad

A*****e of the decade

Second

Is that b***h

I went out with in ninth grade

And third

Someone you would never expect

Someone I cared for

And tried to protect

But broke through my ribcage

And into my heart

With a single card

You wouldn't find in a deck

And who's trust I treasured

More than a chest from a wreck

But my birth defect

Didn't teach me to deal with reject

So I suspect I'm incorrect

When something happens

That hurts my soul

I turn around

And turn around

I'm all alone

And I'll never know

What its like

To let things go

 

Dear Self,

I miss you so.

Author's Note

it'll be a rap someday