Broken Dreams

As I lay with the broken dreams

I cry for all of the days

That have hurt me

I know what pain is

Pain is my friend

Although I hate him

He always finds me

He is a leech

Gone one second

There the next

I can't get rid of him

So for now I lay

With the broken hearts and dreams

Reviews

[Lively]

Good

[Caitlin Lea]

Cool how you personified Pain. I almost picture a person laying in a fetal position with a look of pain on his face, like he's being tormented.

The only thing that might help is adding a little punctuation, even some dashes or the occassional comma. Just might help the flow just a little.

[Say]

Straight to the heart of it, simple and descriptive.

[Ysabel Reyes]

this is very simple yet very full of meanings. I love the title and is very true.

[Victoria PoetryBunny]

this is really good and the description, comparison and how you wrote this line:
"He is a leech"
... really nice, pain felt

[Ashli The Amazing]

i can really relate to this one ]: