The First Cut Is The Deepest

T he first cut is the deepest

H e left a hole in my heart

E ach time he injected heroin into his veins

 

F eeling as though I'd much rather it were another woman

I nstead of a drug that took my place

R ealizing I couldn't do anything but watch in horror or just leave him

S izzling inside of me were feelings of hatred toward my own husband

T orn between my feelings of love for him, I was so damn confused

 

C ast aside whenever the uncontrollable

U rge for the drug came to him as

T houghts of suicide often entered my mind, I was so distraught and yet

 

I  was so much stronger than that I told myself

S tronger than him...

 

T he life of a heroin addict is a road to hell and I traveled it with him

H e will lie, and steal from his family and friends to no

E nd for there is always that next fix haunting him

 

D rowning in his desire to keep getting higher and higher

E yes that told on him as they were always dilated most of the time

E erie tracks that ran up and down the arms that caressed me

P leading with god, I often found myself praying he would stop using

E ven paid for him to go to a methadone clinic to no avail

S eems that the monkey on his back just wouldn't let him go

T he nightmare of a lifetime finally caught up him and today he is dead

Reviews

[Anthony M Smith Jr]

I see you traveled a path with this person and no doubt you may have had feelings of helplessness! What ever he may have used in this life is now forfeit to you to enjoy! I too have the same emotions for some of my younger relatives who trek on such a miserable journey, to be comfortably numb and they say I could never understand, but in fact I do! Again, you have written about pain which is an old friend of mine who comes by me often! Thanks for sharing. Light and Life to you and yours!
TT-TTO-NI-K
Elk

[Nancy Lee Shrader]

Congrats on your great winning Acrostic!

[Bennett Logan]

I'm sorry you ever had to go through anything even similar to this. Your poem is strong, resolute, and extremely personal. I'm generally not a fan of poetic forms, but you do really well with acrostics. Really good stuff. Keep up the good work!

[Lizanne]

How well you summed it up with "the monkey just would not let go of him." But alas, it was he who would not let go of the monkey that finally rode his back to death's door. A raw, emotional writing. The pain that a user lays upon those who try to rescue them is hugh. They leave you to drown in the sorrow that they create.

[George Love]

This path had but one destination, and I have to say I am truly sorry to have witnessed this end so many times. You express it well here, and kudos to you for doing so!

[Fran Marie]

A powerful Acrostic piece of writing~Well expressed here~Thanks for sharing!

[Su' Nacnetaf]

Your words will always bring back those memories which we think are forgotten, shape them into nostalgia, and end up in a beautiful piece of writing. The pure way in which you express yourself with words will continue to leave us speechless for ever. There's no need to say, but anyways, excellent writing!

[Just Manoosh]

I watched a close friend go through this with her husband, the worse part of all is that thr drug comes first, above her, above his kids, above everything. Eventually he started to put the kids in danger, thats when she had to walk away, so many years of trying didn't even come close to his drug addiction. I have memories of looking for his stash with her, all in weird places, on top of door frames, in the freezer that sat in the garage.

Thank your for sharing this, it reminds me of something I need to tell myself, that being "you can't fix everyone". Sometimes love is not enough, and that breaks my heart over and over again.

Hugs
Mx

[Kaylee Andurs]

I feel your pain. It takes a great deal of courage to share something like that. I only hope that life gets better for you. You and I have something in common.

[emmajoy]

As ever, the pain you've experienced literally cuts through your words, your words bleed experience and
tragedy.

This is a terribly moving piece to read, but, exudes an acceptance of past as being the strength that keeps you going.

[papaed]

Your strength is easy to see. Your poetic, sensitive soul shines through. The acrostic is quite limiting, but you've pulled it together with style and feeling. This was a big load to carry through. It appears you were consistent and caring, even when the love was damaged and scars were covering it over. Writing is a great intellectual way to release and deal with such a pain. If it would help you to not feel totally alone in this, read my 'Loss of a Son" ... or "First Painful Love."

Thanks so much for sharing with us,
Peace and Love,
papaed