A Dirty Ashtray

A  dirty ashtray with a musty stench, rests upon my computer desk

 

D isgustingly foul odor of cigarettes butted out

I  reek from the smell everywhere I go

R elaxing doesn't come easy to me

T ime to break this nasty habit but it's so hard to do

Y ou could say I've tried to quit a few times, but my heart just wasn't in it

 

A  dirty ashtray rudely sits on top of my cozy kitchen counter

S ometimes it makes it's way to the table where we eat our food

H abits are so difficult to break, especially the bad ones

T his dirty ashtray needs to go into the trash

R eally need to take my smokes outside

A  dirty ashtray holds

Y et another burning cigarette, as I hesitate to decide what the hell to do

 

Reviews

[Stiver]

Debileah,

There are a few things I like and dislike about this piece. First of all, I like the format. It's nice to see poetry in traditional formats once in awhile. You did a great job beginning each line with the appropriate letter. You didn't have to force any of the lines, and therefore the poem flows nicely. Also, I like your choice of adjectives throughout the poem (dirty, nasty, foul, reek). Together, they create a connotation that smoking is a nasty habit. Furthermore, that adds to the power of the narrator's conflict about quitting smoking. The use of those words tell us that the narrator hates the habit, and therefore must be tortured by his inability to quit. Nicely done.

There was one thing I didn't like. In the first line you write, "A dirty Ashtray SITS UPON the table. "sits upon" is very weak. So much so, that you run the reader putting the poem down. Like a good novel, the first line is crucial to hooking your audience. Perhaps consider another choice of words, here.

Overall, I liked the piece. Thanks for sharing.

Stiver

[deleted]

This piece was very original. I like the way you wrote in a way that the reader is able to see the life and role that the ashtray has in this persons life. We all have bad habits that need to be broken yet we struggle to do so and your poem defined this very well.

[K.D.Storm]

I like this. I have this bad habit myself and know how hard it is to break such a thing. I know that I can burn through(not smoke) about a pack a day when I sit down for a long session. Don't give up hope. I have been told that it just takes time and a lot of broken dishes.