Bittersweet

On a lonely street corner

Near a carry out store

Wrapped in a brown paper bag

A lonely man guzzles his cheap bottle of wine

Drowning his bittersweet memories

 

In a run down apartment

on another side of town

a little girl cries

for a daddy that she never sees

She rememembers bittersweet memories

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Drea]

Such a sad tale you tell here.
I don't know if it would have more impact to end the second stanza with the same Drowning bittersweet memories (though hers) line or not; just a thought.

You make one wonder what happened; what memories? Of course part of me wants to shake the man senseless and say get yourself together and get back to your child you fool!

So if you were looking to elicit some emotional response from the reader; well, you got it!

[WritefromtheHeart]

Two people, forever apart, and both in sorrow for what might have been. You pack so much emotion and feeling in this short piece...two lifetimes in synopsis ;-)

[wizthom]

HEY LADY ThIS POEM SHOULD BE COMPLETED,SUCH A INTERESTING OPENING HOPE U WONT MIND IF I ADD TO IT,


On a lonely street corner
Near a carry out store
Wrapped in a brown paper bag
A lonely man guzzles his cheap bottle of wine
Drowning his bittersweet memories

In a run down apartment
on another side of town
a little girl cries
for a daddy that she never sees
She remembers bittersweet memories
LIFE CAN be BITTERSWEET, full of memories
those times in her life when she was the apple .
apple of her daddy's eye,
mama loved daddy so ,
when grapes on the vine,
always made the best tasting wine,

now that time has moved on ,
there's a new sun up in the sky'
but that sun just don't shine as bright,
like when it did in yester times

bittersweet memories
as the daughter sees a stranger ,
that used to be her friend

factories closed mama died,
let the people tell it,
that's what drove daddy out his mind,

hurts to see his daughter living inside her tears,
while her daddy drinks away problems and fears,
such as life for all it worth , bitter sweet memories,

faded jaded dreams now they both share the same fate,
called bitter sweet memories of how it use o be,peace wizthom

a nice little Haiku succint size filled with great insight.

It is one of those poems that can make one ponder deep and hard on some less seen realities in life.

Quite like discovering something that was not seen by everyone...

Good form and use of words.

a good piece

[EvesDaughter]

Two sides of the same coin...
I like this. It's not overly loaded
with sappy melodrama, and the
"idea" of what you want to get
across to the reader is clear.

Eve