Just my life right now

Writing here at the cafe has helped me in many ways, thanks to so many wonderful people I was able to get through my son's death, which was a year ago tonight. I wrote poetry deep into the nights and many of the days that followed, for month's I wrote about him, about the the tragic car accident caused by a drunk driver. I probably wrote so much that you would think people would tire of hearing about it, but everyone was kind and reviewed me anyway. I shared my son and it helped my saddened heart get through the toughest time of my life so far, until tonight. I seem to be trudging through writer's block when I feel so desperately the need to write.

 

It is the first anniversary of Bobby's death and I feel such emptiness. My heart is heavily burdened tonight. Everyone in the house is asleep, it' three o'clock in the morning and I am fighting sleep, as I keep waking up from dreams that scare me like nightmares. My son lived in Texas for eight years,

he had just recently returned home and I didn't get to spend enough time with him, he was a good gentle natured man. I miss him so much my heart aches.

There's been so much going on lately that is out of our control that I haven't had the time I need to grieve...I suppose this writing is a part of my grief. I feel like giving up on writing my poetry. What I guess I need to realize is that my poetry is me, and without it I am lost...

 

Have you ever been in a room filled with people, yet felt so alone? That's how I feel most of the time. My husbands are both dead, so are my parents, and many other family members. We lost three more loved ones this past year including my son. I have three beautiful daughters and seven grandchildren, we have each other to be thankful for, but sometimes it seems we don't talk enough, like we're afraid to say anything, and the silence is so sad it's deafening. Then top it all manic depression comes into play, as my eldest daughter and I suffer from this devastating illness. All too often, tearing our family apart at the seams.

 

We live in a dillapitated old house in which we own, our neighborhood has turned into a ghetto area, and the property won't sell. There is so much wrong with this place we cannot afford to fix it and we cannot afford to leave. All I can do is pray about our situation, but it seems the more I pray, the worse things get. Lately, life just does not make sense to me...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Imagedden]

Hi there Debileah,

Thanks for reviewing my poem which is actually a song. I am so sorry to hear about the death of your son and the enormous committment you have shown to get on with life the best you can.

May the cosmos repay you in some way. Some time down the track if you would like to write some lyrics about your son, I would be honoured to put them to music for you.

Cheers

Imagedden

Imagedden

[DeAn]

trust in the spirit in you and realize the darkness does indeed exist and is working against us at every turn and be silent of your wants. speak in the spirit of them and leave the needs be. for it knows your needs already and will fill them. the hardest part is the belief. trust me in a world where it is easy to confirm wrong, right must be proven. but I tell you the truth, if you believe it with enough will, it will come about.

sooo many speaking of the same must have had something to work with. right? :)

hang in there my friend. research, ;)

love ya!

[Michael X]

my deepest regards extend to the loss of your dear, your heartfelt plea brings tears to the reader's
soul, heart wrenchingly beautiful, one can feel your pain cut stright to the core, yet there is an
encouraging feeling of knowing you are able to get through life with love instilled in your deep heart,
keeping memory alive, knowing one day you will be reunited with those you love, i am sorry to hear
about the circumstances at the moment, i feel things are going to be looking up. thank you for sharing
your heart, one can clearly see how words justify your thoughts, excellent writing.