The Fallen Angel (revised)

a dark tale about the rise of a hero

  

  Once there was a man. A man whose face was like and angels'. He had a name, a life, a love. But now he has nothing. He was born in 1802, and till his 21st birthday he lived a normal life. He had a wife and son. But one day and old woman stopped him in the street. And asked him to marry her. The man told her he already had a wife. She said she could make his wildest dreams come true. But he still refused. Now this infuriated the old woman. She suddenly reached up and grabbed her face and pulled it off as if it were a mask.  And underneath was the face of the most beautiful woman the man had ever seen. And with a voice more beautiful and soothing than the gods themselves said “Now will you marry me?" but the man was still faithful to his wife and politely refused.

    This was the last straw for the woman. Her eyes turned blood red, the skies darkened, and she grabbed the man by the throat and shouted “From this day forth you shall be as a demon, and you will obey me every command. And as punishment for refusing me you shall kill you family, and you shall live forever haunted by the memory of what you have done!"  

    She dropped the man and he instantly curled into a ball. His flesh cracked as if it were stone. Suddenly he burst into flame. His skin turn a dark ruby red, wings ripped out of his back, and a tail shot out of his lower back. He pressed his hands against his forehead in a vain attempt to push the horns that had grown there back in. his pupils consumed his entire eye. His fingers elongated and sharpened in to claws. Finally when it was over he laid there for a second smoking.

    Then he slowly arose and said in a deep rasping voice "as you wish my lady."  And with a silent whoosh he flew home. As he quietly entered his home he called his wife and son. As they came to him a raised his right hand and unleashed a great jet of black flame. As he watched his wife and son fall to the floor screaming and burning something inside of him snapped. The horror of what he had done had broken the witch’s' spell over him. With a thunderous roar and launched himself through the ceiling to where the witch told him to meet her. Leaving behind the ashes of his family to be carried off by the wind.

    He flew faster than a bullet. When he had reached the witch he acted like he was still under her spell. “Good work my slave." she said with an evil smile. “My lady I have something to tell you." she motioned him to come closer. When he was at her side he leaned in and whispered in her ear “I have reconsidered your offer my lady, I will marry you." The witch gasped, smiled, then closed her eyes and waited for a kiss. But it never came. Then man grabbed her by the neck and released a jet of flame.  She tried to run but the mans grip was to tight. And when she tried to mutter a spell he squeezed even tighter trapping her words. After what seemed like an eternity she was nothing but ashes flying in the wind. He decided to flew into the near by caves in mountains to hide.

    There he stayed for 200 years. Sleeping and watching the sun drift by in the sky. But one day he was sleeping and he heard a woman scream. He flew to the mouth of his cave. There he saw a man shoot a woman in the head, killing her instantly. He jumped behind the man wrapped his claws around his head and crushed his skull. It was then he realized he had the power to stop senseless acts of violence like this through out the world. But he now also knew he was no longer a man. But he now was The Fallen Angel.

 

 

Reviews

[brittneymarie]

Wow that was orginal and creative. That was really good, but just the punctuation kind of made it difficult to read, but its not that you can't fix that. Great work overall. Like I said before very creative

BrittneyMarie

[Amber Nicole]

I like the idea of what you have here. Very creative. But it needs fleshing out and punctuation. The lack of punctuation pulls the readers mind away from the story at hand. With some editing and fleshing out with more detail this has the potential to be a remarkable story.