breaking dawn

inspired by my newest addiction

first time i saw you
  i had a fever-
as good as it gets

shortness of breath
with spreading pink
distract,
i can't think

i'm losing my strength
feeling weak in your sight
giving in, i won't gain to fight

i'm taking it slow,
stoking my flame
shovelling the coals
of your game

and just in time
in the right place
suddenly i will play nice

but i won't soothe your pain
i won't ease your strain
you'll be waiting in vain
i've got nothing for you to
gain.

Author's Note

photo from SS.

Reviews

[Bennett Logan]

Really good stuff here. The first three lines were fantastic! They made me want to stay home from work/school and eat chicken soup with 7-Up. Or tea. Or Gatorade. Ah, sweet hydration! Staying home sick is always a great chance to catch up on TV or unwatched DVDs. I digress... The poem is awesome. Definitely keep up the good work!

[Vera Iconica]

Your poem has a really good flow. The format is interesting, but I think that is part of what makes your poem good. I really liked it, it spoke to me.

[Kiara]

this was amazing!
I really liked this piece:)
your poetry is worth reading
-arabella

[Steffi]

very nice write. i really enjoyed the first few lines were chopped and a short though showing the inability for you to think straight. it flowed well and really carried the reader along throughout the work.

[Gastroc.]

i enjoyed this. yaaay i'm back on twc and so are you weee haha. newest addiction?