perdida de memoria

on a ski trip, a good friend got a bad concussion and had no short term memory-- all I could do to keep busy was write about it later.

I can feel her shaking. In my arms, she is shaking, heart pounding.
Nikki, I know Nikki.You're Caitlin, right? And you. You're Chad right? Yesss. Because we told her, or because she remembers? Mom. You, I know. Nick, Dan, Nicole... she starts the loop again.

I know him, I don't know his name, but I know him. A man in a red coat with the letters EMT embroidered on it walks up to us.
A few years ago she busted her elbow here, and the same EMT, Eric, helped her. Eric, I helped her.
He checked to make sure she was walking properly, continually looking back. Don't let her trip.
Talking. Writing. No permanent damage, they say. When she sleeps, make sure she can easily be woken up. Every four hours.
If one pupil is dilated larger than the other, or if nausea and vomiting persist, take immediately to the hospital.
You should be thanking your good graces she had a helmet. Sign this, please.
Why are we here? What happened? Is today the last day? Crying.
We came with George and Barb? she reached. I guessed. She shrugged. Sobbed.

Nikki, you, I know, she said relieved. And Tina, and Mom. Caitlyn? she asked to Emily, No, you're Caitlin. Why doesn't she remember? She doesn't remember.
Nicole, what happened? Was I wearing a helmet? The plaid one? Shaking again, she's crying and shaking. I don't know how to react. We cry. She can't walk and so she embraces him.
Chad? You're Chad, right? They pray.

She finds her phone in her pocket. Brent, who's Brent? I don't remember who Emily is. She sobs, Long brown hair?
We joke, call her a French supermodel. Tell her she loves Don's jacket. Nooo, I know I must hate that! It's hideous! Calling her Dora on 50 First Dates, she asks to watch Drew. It relaxes her, and we relax. As much as possible, we relax.
George rubs her back as she sobs. "It'll be okay. You're with people who love you. We all love you and will take care of you. No need to be afraid."

100 proof, I relax.
Start the tamales.
Put garlic in the pork.
Turn, every 15 minutes. Need to keep busy. 
Another shot. Must keep busy.

Does anyone have any Tylenol? Did she already take any? She doesn't know. Now, her head hurts.
You just took two Tylenol, give it a minute, Chad says. With tears in her eyes she looks up. She doesn't know him, but feels safe here.
Lucy hit her head. She hit her head. And you hit your head, too? She said to Chad. "Yes, and I'm fine. Relatively speaking." He smiles. She smiles.
Casey, he's the tall one? We just told her that. She'll go through a loop affect for about 24-48 hours, they said.
Murmurs. We murmur. "What is she asking? Does she know you?" Some go to the hot tub. Mikey gives her his Ray-Bear. She's vulnerable.
The others stay, pretending it's all okay.

We stay. With every inch of strength we have, we all stay.
With every inch of strength we have, we pray. We all pray.

 

Reviews

[Bennett Logan]

I like the story. It's very personal, but everyone can relate to caring for a friend in need. You give your reader a good picture and your narration is clear. I also like that your story reads like a broken up prose poem. It lends itself to a feeling of disjointedness and any traumatic experience, as you know, has a kind of timeless feeling to it, like everything that happened, whether it took hours or days, feels like one single moment.

I also liked how you presented this terrible injury in a fun setting and among friends. The two opposites blend well and I wanted more details: the air, the snow, the puffy skiing clothes, the trees, skis, and head trauma. I found the cast of characters a bit confusing, though. If you're interested in revising, I would suggest simplifying the characters and their involvement. Maybe even limit it to you and your friend -- maybe even the EMT (I like that he'd helped her once before). ...Just a couple ideas.

What you have here is truly good stuff! I enjoyed reading and I'll definitely be reading more!

Have a good one, and keep up the good work.