mistaken for strangers

hodge podge of observations and tunes

                       I roam alone through rooms we share
                       You catch a glimpse of who I am
                       Return my stare
                       I give a nod but don't give a damn
                       No, I don't give you a damn
                       Falling slowly, eyes that know me
                       And I can't go back

 

                                Didn't anybody tell you

    Didn't anybody tell you how to gracefully disappear in a room

 

                                                             Words fall through me, always fool me
                                                                           And I can't react
                                                         You'll find what you look for
                                                            You'll make up your mind
                                                   But this quest that you're on
                                                          Has made you half blind
                       Don't misplace the trust that you have found

 

                                Didn't anybody tell you   
    Didn't anybody tell you how to gracefully disappear in a room

Author's Note

a work in progress.. whacha think?

Reviews

[Gastroc.]

i'm curious to know who these poems are about, woman!

lovely:
"Didn't anybody tell you how to gracefully disappear in a room"

[~crazy Beautiful~]

Interesting and creative poetry, feels like a song in the making,
I could feel the emotions as I read
Nice work
Thank you for entering my contest

[Steffi]

I like this one. Idk if you were aiming for this but i see the two diffrent type of sections as the two strangers being mistaken.
Good Write

[Ben]

I really liked it.
I love the lyrics you chose to place in there too.

[savesthedaynj]

(sorry I haven't responded til now. I had to read it all the way through in one sitting which is almost impossible right now, lol) Ok, so the first half was definitely doing it for me. The rhythm was great, the internal and end rhyme was well chosen and then......

you quoted a song. Whether intentional or not, it made me a bit sad. Your writing was fantastic and to muddle it with someone else's phrase took me out of the place I was. It made me sit up and go "wait...where did I hear that line before?" and it broke my concentration. The second section kinda lost momentum as well. For all I know, it could be great (even though it has another line from the same song...shame, shame), but the first part just knocked me over with it's fabulousness that nothing compares.

[A.M. Nelson]

ummm, it feels too conversational for me...

[LostCauze[:P]]

I really liked how you structured it. First i read it like it was sapposed to rhyme because some sentences rhymed with the other ones but some didnt so i read it over again and i was just more confused that i was before. So i just read it freely and the flow came to me. It was really interesting and entertaining. Keep writing.

[Haley-Daniel Belair]

Very interesting. I like the progressive melodic lilt that flows along. Could be some great lyrics there.

That knowing stare shared across a room. Your are so right...no one gives a damn.
"Didn't anybody tell you how to gracefully disappear in a room".....Love that line!

Great write.

[Erin]

Already it has a musical lilt--
without giving up any meaning or depth still has that scheme.
awesome
:)

[A.Crews]

i dig the concrete structure. i also like the idea about gracefully disappearing in a room.

also, i dug out my piebald record after you made that review. haven't listened to it in quite a while, what a great band.