prolougue

Hi, my name is Anya Kyoki and this is my story. I went to Legacy Frontier High and my life was a bit well; odd.

Welcome to what you will come to know as probably the most odd High School drama you have ever read. It all started when K left a compelling note on my desk saying “text me” with a wink.

For the record I was 16 and a junior in high school, a perfectly normal anime nerd, until K. Until my life took a turn for the worse. I had a boyfriend, his name was Flynn Asher, he was the sweetest. He was 17 and a senior. I guess you could say he was a typical invisible nerd, as was I until that fateful day when I got K’s note.

When I got home I texted the mysterious number left on my desk, little did I know it would be the worst mistake I would ever make.

The person who was to be named K texted back saying “Welcome to the game new player! My name is K nothing more nothing less, you shall play along… or else.”

At first I thought it was just a stupid kid playing a prank, but soon I would find out just how wrong I was.

Reviews

[DB Heinemann]

Interesting. Seems geared towards a teenage audience, not sure if that's what you were going for but that's what I got. Interested to see where this goes.

Not sure this is great as a prologue, though. Sounds more like a script for a trailer or something that's written on the back of the book. Prologue's typically happen a WAY before the actual story takes place but includes some mysterious scenes from a perspective other than the main character (my prologue in Human of Zenon is like that). Maybe a quick historical context or prophecy of some kind. It's pretty contrasty to the main story. That's my experience with prologues anyways.

And judging by the actual first chapter I glanced at, the story is just a continuation of the prologue. There's not much of a build up and summarized character profiles. Usually when you start a story, you want to SHOW your main character in their natural habitat before flipping their world upside down. Or at least start in the middle of their flipped world and flashback to normal before days.
That means actually narrating your character's life in the beforemath, them waking up, arriving at school, interacting with friends and family members- build that background and those profile- and then suddenly they get this mysterious message and their world changes. Drag them into the drama and go from there.

Maybe you're trying something different and more power to you but the way the story is formatted cheapens itself. That being said, I was interested in the story and it does sound like something I'd want to read but I don't think you can get by on just plot alone. As amateur work, it's not bad at all. The format's the biggest issue I have with it. If you want suggestions on how to go about that, let me know.

Otherwise, keep at it. These things take practice and reading a lot of other books for research purposes.

[Ren Nightshade]

I felt the prologue was very gripping, and as a 18 year old i do find that the story could go somewhere great. But I feel it is lacking in depth and background. I've read quite a few mystery novels and I think this has potential... you just need to add a bit more detail to the prologue.